Peter Griffin Quotes (Page 4)
Peter Griffin: Well, Well. I learned something today. Apparently there's the side of Bill Clinton the world knows, and then there's the dark, sex-crazed side only I know!
• Rating 5.0 / 5 • Vote for this Quote! • July 26th, 2007Peter Griffin [about to lift Bill Clinton's limo]: Alright, boys, now watch how this is done. The key is to put it all in your groin and your back. Take your legs totally out of the equation. Lift with your lower back in a jerking, twisting motion. AHHHHHH!
• Rating 5.0 / 5 • Vote for this Quote! • July 26th, 2007 Lois Griffin: Ah, Glenn, we are so thrilled for you.
Brian Griffin: Yeah, I guess it didn't take much for you to get your job back, now that you're a hero.
Peter Griffin: Yeah, and I'm so happy for you, I don't even mind that I was raped in a federal prison after I was arrested for hijacking.
Cleveland Brown: So, how's the job hunt going?
Peter Griffin: Ah, it's awful, Cleveland. Quagmire blew every gig we got him.
Joe Swanson: Yeah, you did a terrible job as my nurse.
[cut to Joe's house, where Quagmire is changing Joe's diaper]
Glenn Quagmire: You make your doo-doos, Joe?
Joe Swanson: Shut up.
Peter Griffin: Hey, Meg, come here. Have a seat.
Meg Griffin: Dad...what are you doing?
Peter Griffin: Meg, I'm a Redneck. Which means I am about to do something to you that you will not remember until you're 40.
Meg Griffin: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!
Peter Griffin: Meg, come back here! I meant sex!
Lois Griffin: Peter, you get down from that tree this instant!
Peter Griffin: No! You're gonna yell at me!
Lois Griffin: You're damn right I'm gonna yell at you. You beat up a thirteen-year-old boy!
Peter Griffin: He called me names!
Lois Griffin: You're 43, and you just assaulted our neighbor's child. This is a very serious situation!
Peter Griffin: Well, maybe you shoulda just had an abortion, Lois. Would that make you happy if I was never born?!
Lois Griffin: What?!
Peter Griffin: I'm going to prison, aren't I?
Lois Griffin: Peter, this is more irresponsible than when you fed your mogwai after midnight.
[cut to Peter about to feed a creature chicken]
Lois Griffin: Peter, didn't the little Chinese man tell you not to feed him after midnight?
Peter Griffin: Aw, come on, Lois, he's so cute. And he's hungry. What could happen? [He feeds him the chicken and the mogwai transforms into Fran Drescher]
Fran Drescher: Hello! I'm Fran Drescher!
Peter Griffin: AHH! KILL IT!
Peter Griffin: [golfing] Hey, uh, Joe?
Joe Swanson: Oh, don't say it, Peter...
Peter Griffin: No, I was just wonderin', uh...
Joe Swanson: Peter, I swear to God ...
Peter Griffin: What's your handicap?
Joe Swanson: OH, HO HO! OH... EVERY HOLE! THAT'S A JOKE THAT JUST DOESN'T GET OLD!!
Brian Griffin: Peter, what are you doing?
Peter Griffin: Crack.
Brian Griffin: What the f**k?!
Peter Griffin: Hey, at least I'm not drinking, Brian.
Brian Griffin: Yeah, this isn't exactly a good substitute. Where'd you get crack?
Peter Griffin: From Black's.
Brian Griffin: What?
Peter Griffin: Yeah, right behind Black's Hardware store. There's a white guy selling it.
Peter Griffin: Dad, I'm so sorry I broke all your ribs and busted your spleen and punctured your lung. I... don't know if you can hear me right now, but... I hope you know... I love you, Dad.
Francis Griffin: Peter... come closer. There's something... I need to say to you.
Peter Griffin: I'm here, Dad. What is it?
Francis Griffin: Peter... you're a fat, stinking drunk!
Peter Griffin: Oh, my God, he's dead! He can't be dead! There's gotta be something I can do. Maybe I'll bury him in the Pet Cemetery.
