Peter Griffin Quotes (Page 5)
Lois Griffin: So, Meg, your birthday's coming up, huh? You excited about turning...... huh?
Peter Griffin: Uh, Meg, uh, I got 16 candles for your birthday cake. How does that sound?
Meg Griffin: That's not right.
Peter Griffin: So, less... more... too many... uh, not enough... ?
Meg Griffin: You stupid son of a bitch! You don't even know how old I am!
Lois Griffin: Meg, that kind of language is not appropriate for a girl your age... or is it?
Meg Griffin: I'm gonna be 17, you jerks!
Peter Griffin: She's the jerk.
Peter Griffin: What? Lois, this is the best you could do?
Lois Griffin: Well, it was either Meg or a talking monkey with a cigar, but I didn't think you'd like that.
Monkey: I've already accepted another job.
Peter Griffin: Lois, you picked the opposite thing that I would like!
Monkey: It's all right, I would've driven you bananas.
Peter Griffin: Oh, oh, and he makes jokes. Nice going, Lois!
Peter Griffin [singing]:
This time around, I'm stayin' at home,
And things are gonna get better.
Settlin' in, lovin' my wife,
But then I got that letter.
My black son, my black son,
Now each day my heart is gettin' bigger.
Don't even remember sleepin' with that lady,
But I did.
My black son, he's commin' to stay,
My black son, he's makin' each day...
The best that he can!
[spoken]
Also he's a ninja.
Joe Swanson: Good morning, Peter. I'm here to revoke your driver's license.
Peter Griffin: What? Why?
Joe Swanson: We got reckless driving, disturbing the peace, plus the driver of one of those other cars was a virgin whose hymen was busted by the airbag, so rape.
Peter Griffin: How much for the gloves?
Brian Griffin: Peter, those are yours.
Peter Griffin: Ten bucks! Two! Seven! Four! Five-fifty! Ten! Sold! Sucker. I would have gone to 15 easy. I am so stupid.
Joe Swanson: Welcome to the Police Academy. We're gonna start by learing how to do a cavity search. Peter, you will be the police officer, and Quagmire, you will be the suspect. Begin.
Peter Griffin: [puts on rubber glove] Sir, I suspect you are in possession of drugs, and I'm gonna have to give you a full cavity search. Drop your pants.
Joe Swanson: Uh, Peter, you don't have to pull YOUR pants down.
Peter Griffin: Oh, sorry, I'm still learning.
Joe Swanson: All right, start the search.
Lois Griffin: Peter, I don't care what Mayor West has done. You can't just break the law!
Peter Griffin: Sure I can, I've been doing it all week. Like yesterday, I started a lovable gang of c**kney pickpockets.
Lois Griffin: Peter, have you been up all night watching chick movies?
Peter Griffin: Lois, before I found these movies, women only made me cry through my penis. Now they make me cry through my eyes.
Autumn: I have to leave, and I'm taking my piano with me.
Peter Griffin: [crying] Noooo! Why?! Why?! She chose the piano over her insulin! You could have had both!
Peter Griffin: Lois, I'm just warning you. If this movie turns me gay, I'm gonna start bringing gay guys home. And I don't mean the classy, "maybe-they-are,-maybe-they're-not" gay guys, I mean those big, "Oh-my-God, here-they-come, floating-around, making-noise" gay guys. Not the "fix-up-your-house" gay guys.
• Rating 5.0 / 5 • Vote for this Quote! • July 25th, 2007
