Peter Griffin Quotes (Page 7)
Peter Griffin: I see. And does the sedan protect against missiles?
Sleazy Salesman: It does not.
Peter Griffin: Ah, you hear that, Meg? Yeah, it does not protect against missiles. See, these-these are the questions. This is why I'm here.
Brian Griffin: Peter, you can't be serious. This is a 30 ton war machine!
Peter Griffin: Ah, I'm still not sure...
Sleazy Salesman: Did I mention the tank is a tank?
Peter Griffin: Sold!
Meg Griffin: I love it! Dad, this is the car!
Peter Griffin: Ah-da-da-hang on a second, Meg. What can you tell me about this one?
Sleazy Salesman: Oh, that's just an old tank I use for those commercials where I "declare war on high prices." Now, about that sedan-
Peter Griffin: Aba-ah-ah-ah hang on there, slick. Now I see your game. We come in here wanting a practical car, but then you dangle this tank in front of me and expect me to walk away. Now I may be an idiot, but there is one thing I am not, sir, and that, sir, is an idiot. Now, I demand you tell me more about this tank!
Joe Swanson: That was awesome!
Peter Griffin: Oh my god, that was completely by accident!
Peter Griffin: It's alright. We'll just move the party to the skating rink. Who's sober enough to drive? Uh, okay, who's drunk, but that special kind of drunk where you're a better driver because you know you're drunk? You know, the kind of drunk where you probably shouldn't drive, but you do anyway because, I mean, come on, you got to get your car home. Right? I mean, I mean, what do they expect me to do, take a bus? Is that what they want? For me to take a bus? Well, screw that! YOU take a bus.
Cleveland Brown: I'm that kind of drunk.
Peter Griffin: Shotgun!
Peter Griffin: Huh, I guess I've learned a little something about what it means to be a good dad.
Chris Griffin: Hey, Dad, you wanna play baseball?
Peter Griffin: Oh, my God, could you leave me alone? You are the neediest kid!
Tom Tucker: I heard you like milkshakes.
Peter Griffin: Oh, boy, do I!
Tom Tucker: Let's go get ourselves a shake, huh?
Peter Griffin: Yeah!
Chris Griffin: I want to get a milk shake too!
Peter Griffin: Too bad - go get your own father.
Thelma Griffin: [on the phone] Hello?
Peter Griffin: Uh, hello, yes, this is... uh... this is Tom Tucker's personal physician, Dr. T and the Women. Um, could you tell Tom his contagious penis cancer medicine is ready?
Thelma Griffin: Is this Peter?
Peter Griffin: Uh, no, it's, uh, uh, Lois. Uh, Lois, don't crank call my mother! I'm gonna have to pinch you for that!
Lois Griffin: Ow! Peter, Don't pinch me! Ow! Stop it! Ow!
Peter Griffin: Ow! Damn it! Cut it out! Maybe I'll tickle you, huh? How about that?
Peter Griffin: I can't believe you left Dad.
Thelma Griffin: I have needs that he didn't satisfy, and I'm still a young woman, Peter. 82 is the new 74. I'm putting my fine ass back on the market.
Peter Griffin: Wait, hang on a second, I never see you, then you finally come visit me and you drop a bombshell like this? This is just like what happened at the Peanuts Reunion.
[cut to the Peanuts characters, all adults now, dancing. Charlie Brown comes in with tattoos, piercings, and a hooker by his side]
Charlie Brown: Stupid song! What are you lookin' at? Yeah, it's me, your old punching bag, Charlie Brown. Everybody wish Snoopy was here? And Woodstock? Everybody wish Snoopy and Woodstock was here? Well, they're dead! And guess what? I sold Snoopy the junk. That's right, he got it from me! I swear, I didn't know how strong it was! And now he's dead! They're both dead! I didn't give a crap about Woodstock, but Snoopy... [cries as the hooker tries to console him; he pushes her away] Get off me, you skank!
Peter Griffin: Ah, this is boring. I'd rather be home watching that video from The Ring.
[cut to Peter in the living room holding a video, with a woman wearing black pants and a white shirt]
Woman: Peter, don't! They say if you watch that video, you die.
Peter Griffin: Ah, that's a bunch of bologna.
