Phoebe Buffay Quotes (Page 4)
Rachel: Phoebe, how could you do this to me? This was all your idea!
Phoebe: I know, I know, and I was going to get it, but then he came in with this needle, and d— did you know they do this with needles?
Rachel: Really! You don't say! Because mine was licked on by kittens!
Phoebe: Hang in there. It's gonna happen!
Ross: Okay, now, how do you know that?
Phoebe: Because she's your lobster!
[At a loss, Ross looks at Chandler.]
Chandler: Oh, she's going somewhere.
Phoebe: Come on, you guys, it's a known fact that lobsters fall in love and mate for life. You know what, you can actually see old lobster couples walking around their tank, you know, holding claws…
Ross: Oh, hello.
Phoebe: Oh, thanks. I couldn't uh...
Ross: Is everything ok?
Phoebe: Um, no, huh-uh. One of my clients died on the massage table today.
Ross: Oh my god.
Chandler: That's a little more relaxed than you want them to get.
Chandler: Okay, Pheebs, your turn. [and gives her gift]
Phoebe [excited]: TOILET SEAT COVERS!...Is that what you were doing while I was getting gas?
Joey and Chandler: Yeah
Phoebe: You guys!
Joey: I mean, I just go down there every other day and… make my contribution to the project. Hey, hey, but, at the end of two weeks, I get 700 dollars!
Phoebe: Wow! Ooh, you're going to be making money hand-over-fist!
Phoebe: This is so great.
Ross: You wanna explain that?
Phoebe: I mean, well, 'cause when I was growing up, you know my dad left, and my mother died, and my stepfather went to jail, so I barely had enough pieces of parents to make one whole one. And here's this little baby who has, like, three whole parents who care about it so much that they're fighting over who gets to love it the most. And it's not even born yet. It's just, it's just the luckiest baby in the whole world. [pauses] I'm sorry, you were fighting.
Chandler: Oh, come on. You told me about the last dream.
Rachel: No, forget it.
Chandler: Oh, why not. Was I doing anything particularly...saucy?
Rachel: All right, fine. Um, you were not the only one there...Joey was there too.
Joey: All right!
Ross: Was there...uh, huh, huh, huh...anybody, anybody else there?
Rachel: No
Ross: You're sure? Nobody uh, handed out uh, mints or anything?
Rachel: No, it was just the three of us.
Ross: Huh!
Joey: So, tell me. Was it like you and Chandler, and then you and me, or you and me and Chandler?
Rachel [laughing]: You know what?
Joey [smiling/laughing]: What?
Rachel [smiling/laughing]: There were times when it wasn't even me.
[Chandler and Joey laughs, until they look at each other]
Phoebe: That is so sweet, you guys. [hugs them]
Chandler: I can't belive it.
Phoebe: Yeah, yeah. They even "do" you.
Chandler; They "do" me?
Phoebe: You know like...uh okay...uh...'Could that report be any later?'
[Joey and Ross laughs]
Chandler: I don't sound like that.
Ross: Oh, oh Chandler...
Joey: Oh...Yeah, you do.
Ross: 'The hills were alive with the sound of music.'
[Phoebe, Joey and Ross laugh]
Joey [reaches for his scone] 'My scone'
Phoebe, Joey and Ross: My scone
[Phoebe, Joey and Ross laugh again]
Chandler: Okay, I don't sound like that. That is so not true.
[Joey and Ross laugh]
Chandler: That is so not...That is so not...That...Oh, shut up!
Phoebe: Just do it - call her! Stop being so testosterony!
Chandler: - Which, by the way, is the real San Fransisco treat.
Rachel: Why have I never tasted these before?!
Phoebe: Oh, I don't make them a lot, because I don't think it's fair to the other cookies.