Principal Skinner Quotes
Recruiter: Thanks for letting us have this assembly, Sgt. Skinner.
Skinner: Anything for my beloved army.
Recruiter: How 'bout reenlisting?
Skinner: How 'bout you bite me?
Lisa: Assistant Groundskeeper Skinner, don't you think it's wrong that I can't get the best math education because I'm a girl?
Skinner: [sighs] I don't have any opinions anymore. All I know is that no one is better than anyone else, and everyone is the best at everything.
Principal Skinner [phonily]: Am I wearing women's clothes? I didn't notice. When I look in my closet, I don't see male clothes or female clothes, they're all the same.
Edna Krabappel [arms crossed]: Are you saying that men and women are identical?
Skinner: Oh, no, of course not! Women are unique in every way.
Lindsay Nagel [arms crossed]: Now he's saying women and men aren't equal!
Skinner [getting nervous]: No, no, no! It's the differences...of which there are none, that make the sameness...exceptional! [desperately] Just tell me what to say!
[Skinner hyperventilates and faints]
Marge: He was deaf!
Skinner: Oh I'm sure Marge, just like blind Bart, wheelchair Bart, pregnant Bart, and my personal favorite, railroad spike through head Bart.
Homer: Hehehe kids love trains.
Groundskeeper Willie: It won't last. Brothers and sisters are natural enemies! Like Englishmen and Scots! Or Welshmen and Scots! Or Japanese and Scots! Or Scots and other Scots! Damn Scots! They ruined Scotland!
Principal Skinner: You Scots sure are a contentious people.
Willie: You just made an enemy for life!
Principal Skinner Quick, Nibbles! Chew through my ball sack! (Said when Skinner is trapped in a volley ball sack.)
• Rating 5.0 / 5 • Vote for this Quote! • July 28th, 2007 Skinner: And, for the first time ever, our computer lab actually has a computer in it!
(Ralph is sitting at their newly installed computer, engrossed in an educational spelling program)
Ralph: Hi, Lisa! Hi, Super Nintendo Chalmers! (he types "cat," which prompts a "meow" sound from the computer) I'm learn-ding.
Lisa: Aw, way to go, Ralph.
Lisa: Point of order, if we want to learn anything, we must respect--
Bart: Point of "odor," Lisa stinks.
(children laugh)
Sherri/Terri: Hey, leave her alone.
Nelson: You leave her alone.
(children are all shouting at each other)
Ralph: Oh, Canada!
Principal Skinner: Order, order. Do you kids want to be like the real U.N., or do you just want to squabble and waste time?
Principal Skinner: Poland, tell me about your nation's achievements.
Milhouse: Well, uh, I heard they sent a rocket to the sun once...at night. And there was that submarine with the screen door...
Skinner: Oh, no. Young man you need to do some serious boning.
Lisa: Principal Skinner, remember how I didn't sue when I found that scorpion in my applesauce? Well, I'm calling in a favor.
Principal Skinner: Mmm. I knew this day would come. [Over PA system] Attention. All honor students will be rewarded with a trip to an archeological dig!
(Martin, Sherri, and Terri cheer, Sherri and Terri high-five)
Principal Skinner: Conversely, all detention students will be punished with a trip to an archeological dig.
Bart, Milhouse, and Nelson: ...Oh, no! Not tomorrow!... ...Oh, crud....
