Glenn Quagmire Quotes (Page 2)
Flight Attendant: Oh, that was great.
Glenn Quagmire: Thanks. I know you have a choice in airport sex, and I appreciate your choosing Quagmire. Please exercise caution when standing up, as the contents of your vagina may have shifted during coitus. All right, I've got a plane to catch. Say, which gate is Flight 209?
Flight Attendant: 209? That flight left half an hour ago.
Glenn Quagmire: Oh, my God. Oh, my God! That plane's going down! My friends are on that plane, they're all gonna die!
Flight Attendant: What?! Oh, no!
Glenn Quagmire: And that's not the worst part... here's the condom I said I'd put on. Haha, aren't I the just worst?
Cleveland Brown: So, how's the job hunt going?
Peter Griffin: Ah, it's awful, Cleveland. Quagmire blew every gig we got him.
Joe Swanson: Yeah, you did a terrible job as my nurse.
[cut to Joe's house, where Quagmire is changing Joe's diaper]
Glenn Quagmire: You make your doo-doos, Joe?
Joe Swanson: Shut up.
Glenn Quagmire [on the P.A. system]: Good afternoon, ladies and gentleman. This is your captain, Glenn Quagmire. Uh... we're looking at about a four-and-a-half-hour flight time today, uhhhhh... We got clear skies, good visibility. The temperature in Atlanta is 64 degrees, uhhhhh... the flight's gonna be a bit longer than expected, uh, we got some very strong headwinds... giggity... uh, flight attendants, please prepare for takeoff.
• Rating 5.0 / 5 • Vote for this Quote! • July 25th, 2007 Glenn Quagmire [after a bad shot]: GODDAMN IT! COME ON! COME ON! SHIT! SHIT! SHIT! COME ON, GLENN! COME ON, GET YOUR HEAD IN THE GODDAMN GAME!
Joe Swanson: Hey, do you think it's time to talk to Quagmire about his anger issues with this game?
Cleveland Brown: A white man shouldn't play sports in the first place.
Glenn Quagmire [to Meg's friends]: So, which one of you wants to lose your virginity?
• Vote for this Quote! • July 25th, 2007 Glenn Quagmire: All right, ladies. Are you ready for action?
Random woman in Quagmire's bed: We sure are, Glenn. Do you have the "hwip"?
Glenn Quagmire: Got it right her... wait, what?
Glenn Quagmire: Oh, good morning, honey. That feels really good. That-w-what-hey, hey, hey! What the hell?! You're not the same giraffe from last night! Get out of here!
Brian Griffin: [to Stewie] You wanna know how to get women? There's only one place to observe.
[outside Quagmire's house]
Brian Griffin: Just watch.
Woman: I am not doing that, Glenn.
Glenn Quagmire: Come on beautiful, keep an open mind.
Woman: You're a sick man!
Glenn Quagmire: Hey keep it down, I don't want my neighbors seeing a fat, old, dirty whore screaming at me on my front lawn.
Woman: Whore?! Well, maybe I should come inside.
Glenn Quagmire: Well maybe you should.
Stewie Griffin: What the deuce? Why the hell would she respond so positively to such a negative comment? Unless ... Brian, do women like it when you treat them like crap?
Brian Griffin: Well I don't know if you wanna be so black and white about it...
Stewie Griffin: WAIT! That's it! Women respond when you treat them like crap. Well, Olivia, prepare to meet a much darker Stewie.
Glenn Quagmire [to a skinny woman facing away from him]: Hey, baby. How'd you like to share a pair of skates? [the woman turns around and is actually obese]
Obese Woman: Sure!
Glenn Quagmire: Ahhhh, never mind! Boy, you look a lot better from the back!
Obese Woman: You jerk! [turns around, looks skinny again]
Glenn Quagmire: Oh, hey, baby, you wanna go somewhere... bu-bu-bu-bu-no-no, no-no, wait, wait, Quagmire, remember what's on the other side!
Horace: Hey, Peter, Lois called to remind you to pick up Meg at the roller rink.
Joe Swanson: No!
Glenn Quagmire: Oh, we're just getting started!
Cleveland Brown: Oh, Meg is my least favorite of all your children.
