Glenn Quagmire Quotes (Page 3)
Glenn Quagmire: Gay marriage? Oh, come on! Two halves can't make a whole without a hole. Giggity-giggity-giggity- giggity-oo-ee-oo-ah-ah, ting-tang walla-walla bing-bang, oo-ee-oo-ah-ah, ting-tang walla-walla bing-bang!
• Vote for this Quote! • July 19th, 2007 Peter Griffin: I know you have a foot fetish, so I got you the Statue of Liberty's foot. [a truck backs up with a giant green foot]
Glenn Quagmire: Aw, thanks, Peter, but Joan's all the foot I need now.
Peter Griffin: What? But, Quagmire, that's the real foot from the Statue of Li--
Glenn Quagmire: No, no, I'm okay.
Peter Griffin: Hey, hey, do you have any idea what I went through to get this? A lot. A real lot. You think this is just, "Oh, here comes Peter with the Statue of Liberty's foot, oh isn't that a gas?" No, no. The reality, the real reality of getting this thing together was staggering. You know? This cost me $437,000; don't ask me how I got it, I had to call in a whole bunch of favors from people I've never even met, so the very least you could do is just, rub up against... I don't know.
Glenn Quagmire: Well, if you want, I could...
Peter Griffin: No-no-no, no, no, it's fine. No-no, whatever, whatever. Just go to your wedding, man.
Joe Swanson: Oh, I can't do it [eat a steak], I'm...I'm so full.
Peter Griffin: Full of what, estrogen? C'mon, take the skirt off, you pansy!
Joe Swanson: Oh.
Glenn Quagmire: Let's go! Chow down, Mary Jane!
Joe Swanson: I said I can't.
Brian Griffin: Eat it! Eat the damn steak!
Peter Griffin: C'mon, what are you waiting for?
Joe Swanson: I can't. No, no, no...
Glenn Quagmire: Eat it, Joe, eat it!
Joe Swanson: I SAID I'M NOT HUNGRY! [takes out his gun and fires at the steak] WHERE IS IT NOW, HUH? WHERE IS IT NOW?!
Cleveland Brown: Easy, sailor, easy.
Peter Griffin: Put the gun down, Joe.
Brian Griffin: Yeah, nobody's judging you, man. It's cool.
Peter Griffin: A-Team role call. Face?
Glenn Quagmire: Here and handsome.
Peter Griffin: Murdock?
Joe Swanson: Here, and crazy!
Peter Griffin: B.A.?
Cleveland Brown: I pity the fool, but also suggest many ways that he may better himself.
Peter Griffin: Man, this is gonna be a fun day. Much better than that day I tried TAG Bodyspray for Sick Cats.
[cut to Peter in the store spraying some TAG on himself. Soon, 12 sick cats come up to him yowling]
Peter Griffin: Oh. Oh, oh God. Oh, God. Oh. Oh, no. Oh. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Eww. Eww. Eww. Oh, no, no, no. Oh. Oh, no, no, no, you're cute, you're cute; I-I don't wanna pet you though. Ah, ah... ah, all right. Ah. Oh, oh, oh, what are you gonna do? Oh, what are you gonna do? What are you gonna do? [the cat vomits] Ah! Oh, no. Okay. No, yeah, no, this-this spray is not for me.
Glenn Quagmire: Welcome to Midnight Q. Tonight, we're going to enjoy the smooth jazz of Charles Mingus, Norman Mailer is here to read an excerpt from his latest book, and then we also have a girl from Omaha who's hiding a banana. We'll find out where. Giggity Giggity, Giggity Goo. Stick around.
• Vote for this Quote! • July 17th, 2007 Peter Griffin: Alright, fellas, we've been out here for months, and we all know men have certain needs. And, being that there's no women around, we're gonna have to have an orgy.
[scene cuts to Peter, Quagmire, Cleveland, and Joe stacked on each other, naked]
Peter Griffin: Uh... anybody horny?
Glenn Quagmire: No.
Cleveland Brown: No.
Joe Swanson: No.
Peter Griffin: Yeah, me neither. Uh, and, uh, whoever's toe that is, uh, I appreciate your enthusiasm, but, uh, I think you can stop.
Joe Swanson: Boy, I'm sure glad nobody's here to see this. [a cruise ship passes]
Captain: And if you look off the left side of the ship, you'll see a bunch of homosexuals. [in Spanish] A la izquierda del barco, podemos ver las "fanny bandits."
Peter Griffin: Hey, hey, I got an idea. Let's play "I Never." You gotta drink if you did the thing that the person says they never did.
Cleveland Brown: Oh, I got one. I never slept with a woman with the lights on. [Peter, Joe, and Quagmire drink]
Joe Swanson: I'll go next. Uh, I never had sex with Cleveland's wife. [Cleveland and Quagmire drink]
Peter Griffin: Uh, all right, let's see, uh... I never did a chick in a Logan Airport bathroom. [Quagmire drinks and is nearly passed out]
Peter Griffin: God, let's see, what else is there? Um, I never gave a reach-around to a spider monkey while reciting the Pledge of Allegiance.
Glenn Quagmire: Oh, God! [drinks]
Joe Swanson: I, uh... I never picked up an illegal alien at Home Depot to take home and choke me while I touched myself.
Glenn Quagmire: Oh, come on! [drinks again]
Peter Griffin: Uh, I never did the same thing, but with someone from Jo-Ann Fabrics.
Glenn Quagmire: Oh, God, this is ridiculous! [drinks, and then passes out]
Peter Griffin: Oh, boy, he's out cold. Hey, let's write on him!
Brian Griffin: You... you cannot tell them about this, please. Peter's not very discreet with private matters.
[cut away to overhead shot of Spooner Street]
Peter Griffin: Hey everybody! Meg just had her first period!
Joe Swanson: PETER! SHUT UP! IT'S THREE IN THE MORNING!!
Cleveland Brown: What the hell's going on out there?
Glenn Quagmire: Damn it! People are trying to sleep!
Peter Griffin: I'm just saying I'm proud of her! She's a woman! Yay!
Glenn Quagmire: Yes, Peter, that's very hot and I'll deal with it in the morning, but right now I am exhausted!
Lois Griffin [in prison, to Peter]: I-I guess I was stealing, because I was so sick of the same old routine. I felt like I had a void in my life. Like there was a secret hole in me.
Glenn Quagmire [popping up in the background]: Oh, God!
Lois Griffin: And I was trying to fill that hole with all kinds of expensive objects and things.
Glenn Quagmire [dancing, clapping]: Oh, GOD!!
Lois Griffin: And I felt wonderful with all those things filling that hole.
Glenn Quagmire [spazzing out]: OH, GOOOOOOD!!!!!!
Lois Griffin: I did this to myself, so I'm just going to have to lay back and let the penal system teach me a lesson.
Glenn Quagmire: That one is also sexual.
Peter Griffin: Quagmire what are you doing here?
Glenn Quagmire: Oh, It's conjugal visit day, you know I love doing a woman in the can. OH! Giggity giggity giggity Goooo!
TV announcer: Who else but Quagmire!?
Voices: He's Quagmire, Quagmire! You never really know what he's gonna do next. He's Quagmire, Quagmire!
Glenn Quagmire: [Singing] Giggidy giggidy giggidy giggidy, let's have sex!
