Glenn Quagmire Quotes (Page 4)
Mrs. Quagmire: Glenn, would you feed Mittens?
Glenn Quagmire: Mittens has food in his bowl!
Mrs. Quagmire: That's old food! [Mittens meows]
Glenn Quagmire: Mittens, shut up! Mittens, SHUT UP!
Mrs. Quagmire: Don't you talk to Mittens that way! Mittens is a member of this family!
Glenn Quagmire: Mom, you want this three-way to happen, you're gonna have to change your tone!
Cleveland Brown: [in psuedo-Czech ascent] Perhaps here there are many unsuspecting foxes to have sex with us.
Glenn Quagmire: [in psuedo-Czech ascent] That is why we wear tight pants to show our bulges.
Cleveland Brown: [in psuedo-Czech ascent] We are...
Both: Two wild and crazy guys! [Peter walks in, with a hamper full of clothes, looking like a conehead]
Peter Griffin: You guys look stupid.
Mayor Adam West: It's all right to go to sleep, my friend. I'll stand guard.
Glenn Quagmire: Uh, okay.
Mayor Adam West: Don't worry, I'll be here all night. Just don't try to make me smile. I'm forbidden to smile. Oh, no. That episode of Growing Pains when Mike's friend Boner ran for student council. Boner. His name was... Boner. [giggling] Bone... I've failed you.
Lois Griffin: All right, kids. Now everyone stay together. It's very important to your father that we're here for his band's first performance.
Director: The people who beat you are proud to present, all the way from Quahog: "Fat, Horny, Black and Joe."
Peter Griffin: Hello, Cleveland!
Cleveland Brown: Hello, Peter.
Glenn Quagmire: One, Two, Three, Four!
Peter Griffin: Oh my god, we don't know any songs.
Audience: You suck! Get off the stage!
Joe Swanson: Here's this month's Victoria's Secret catalog.
Glenn Quagmire: Oh, oh God, oh God, uh, uh, uh... dead kittens, dead kittens! Uh, uh, old nuns... uh, really old nuns... uh, Renée Zellweger! [sighs of relief] Ah, there we go.
Peter Griffin: Hey, you watch the ticker. I'm gonna go microwave a bagel and have sex with it.
Glenn Quagmire: Butter's in the fridge!
Glenn Quagmire: Hey, how about a couple of drinks?
Waiter: Certainly, sir. Martini for you and the usual roofie colada for your date?
Glenn Quagmire: No, no, no, uh, no, uh... glass of wine.
Lois Griffin: Hello?
Glenn Quagmire: Hey, Lois. Is Peter there?
Lois Griffin: Oh, hi, Quagmire. No, Peter's not home. We're, uh... we're having some minor marital problems. Our therapist has advised us to date other people.
Glenn Quagmire: Hey, Lois, you want to go out?
Lois Griffin: What? well, I don't know, Glenn. Peter and I just separated. I feel like I need more time.
Quagmire: How about now?
Glenn Quagmire: Damn, this itches! I wonder who I gave it to me. Probably that skank who needed a ride to the gas station. Last time I do somebody a favor. Oh God! They must have heard me! Oh god! I can hear me!
• Vote for this Quote! • July 9th, 2007 Glenn Quagmire: Hey, maybe we should set him up with another Lemon snow-cone, huh?
Peter Griffin: No thanks. The last one you gave me didn't taste like lemon at all. It tasted like... oh, you guys are such asses!