Red Forman Quotes (Page 5)
Red: Eric, say that your job was sent to a plant in what-the-hell-who-the-hell cares. Now, are you gonna vote for the guy that let that happen?
Kitty: Red, President Ford didn't take your job, he took Nixon's.
Red: Eric, we're waiting.
Eric: Uh, well, I believe that everyone's political opinion is valid and worth hearing.
Red: Well, that's, that's perfect Eric. Use that line when you're on for Miss America.
Kitty: Birthday breakfast! And this is it young man. A few gifts tonight and that's the end. And it is too late to change your mind about a party now so don't think you're getting one or you will be sorely disappointed! [she laughs]
Red: Happy birthday. You know, the lawn's not gonna cut itself.
[Red & Kitty leave]
Eric: Thanks mom, dad.
Laurie: Hey little brother, nice tent!
Eric: Oh Laurie, I just remembered, I can't loan you the VistaCruiser on account of I hate you.
Red: Laurie, you're not driving the VistaCruiser. It's old and undependable. It could break down and you'd be at the mercy of any maniac who came along. That's okay for Eric. But you're taking the Toyota. Oh, and here's a twenty.
Laurie: Will that cover gas?
Kitty: Oh well, it should. Honey, honey, give her another ten just in case.
Eric: I could probably use some gas money.
Red: Yeah. And if a frog had wings, he wouldn't bump his ass when he hops.
Red: So, how's your friend Janice?
Laurie: Pregnant.
Kitty: Oh, she was such a nice girl, how does that happen?
Eric: Well, first the egg travels down the fallopian tube to the uterus where it attaches to the wall...
Red: Eric, for God's Sakes, that's no language for a woman to hear!
Laurie: It's okay Red, I know what a fallopian tube is. I think mom does too.
[Fantasy scene]
Mr. Burkhart: Hi Red, say isn't it great all our kids are such good friends?
Bob: Yes, Jackie's dad. They're quite the gang of young people! Hahaha!
Midge: Kitty, I love what you've done with the kitchen.
Kitty: Yes, aqua and yellow. Blah blah blah, yak, yak, yak.
Mr. Burkhart: Speaking of kids, wasn't it lucky Triple A pulled Eric's butt out of the fire when he took the car to Milwaukee without your permission?
Red: What? Why, that twisted little monkey! I'm grounding him for ten years.
Mr. Burkhart: Kids, what are you gonnna do?
Red: I say we torture them with plenty of pointless rules and advice!
Red: What the hell happened to Bob's hair?
Eric: Beats me.
Red: His head looks like a poodle's ass! Boy, just when you think you've seen everything...
Eric: A poodle's ass walks into your party.
Red: Eric, no using the ass word, you're still in high school.