Richard Gilmore Quotes (Page 2)
Emily: What were you going to do, hit the man?
Richard: He went into my desk!
Emily: He was 85 years old.
Richard: This roommate of mine in sophomore year - we absolutely hated him. He was, in addition to being a complete nincompoop, rather a chubby lad. So one night, we tied him in between two mattresses and threw him out the window.
Rory: What?
Paris: I'm writing that one down.
Rory: Was he okay?
Richard: Oh, he was fine. He went to sleep. He woke up in the morning and picked up right where he left off.
Rory: Man.
Richard: We wound up throwing him out the window every night for a month, and then he transferred.
Rory: Well, do you think you guys tossing him out the window on a regular basis had something to do with that decision?
Richard: I like that boy.
Lorelai: Prove it. Drop your pants!
Rory: More broccoli, Grandpa?
Richard: Absolutely. Staves off the cancer.
Lorelai: Staves off my appetite.
Emily: You really should eat more green things, Lorelai.
Lorelai: I plan to eat a five-dollar bill later tonight.
Richard: Your Grandmother would come to the phone but she's in the next room dancing wih Lloyd Sandstone. Watch where you put those hands, Lloyd.
Rory: A guy named Lloyd is feeling up Grandma?
Lorelai: Seventy-five thousand dollars. Seventy-five thousand dollars. Oh my God, that’s like 150 pairs of Jimmy Choos.
Richard: What are Jimmy Choos?
Lorelai: Shoes.
Richard: 150 pairs, that’s it?
Lorelai: Dad, they’re Jimmy Choos.
Richard: For seventy-five thousand dollars, you should be able to buy at least three or four hundred pairs of shoes.
Lorelai: Not Jimmy Choos.
Richard: But that’s ridiculous. You are not going to spend seventy-five thousand dollars on Jimmy Choos when you could buy four hundred pairs of less prestigious but I’m sure equally stylish shoes. You will shop around first. Is that clear?
Lorelai: Yes, sir.
Richard: This was my favorite thing to eat as a boy. My Gran used to make this for me whenever I was feeling a little sad. You know, if my cricket team lost or a girl I fancied, turned up her nose at me.
Lorelai: Well, then load me up, because there was this cute chick at the pharmacy today. I used my best material on her and nothing.
Emily: Richard, at least let Pena serve it.
Lorelai: No comment on my lesbian hilarity? My, how far we've come.
Emily: Take the cake into the kitchen now, Teresa.
Lorelai: Wait, aren't I supposed to blow out the candles?
Emily: Oh, Teresa can do that.
Lorelai: Mom, it's tradition for the person whose name is on the cake to do the blowing.
Emily: Oh, I'm sorry. I thought only children liked to do that. Shall we bring it back out and relight it?
Lorelai: No.
Richard: Well, would you like to make a wish and blow out the tapers?
Lorelai: Why am I being mocked on my birthday?
Richard: Because it's the Gilmore way.
Richard: Ah, you’re here.
Lorelai: And you are by far the most masculine-looking maid my parents have ever had.
Richard: It’s chaos here. The second maid called in sick, the first is busy with dinner, and your poor mother is at the hospital. Her DAR group suffered a surfeit of strokes this week.
Lorelai: Come again?
Richard: Three of her friends had strokes. And now she is hopping from sick bed to sick bed offering whatever comfort she can.
Emily: Liliana will be right out with the sand dabs. I’m afraid we’re going to have to let her go, Richard.
Richard: Well, if that’s how you feel, Emily.
Lorelai: You’re firing someone over putting walnuts in a salad?
Emily: I’m going to fire someone over putting walnuts in the salad after she was told not to put walnuts in the salad.
Lorelai: Mom, you know, if you’re not a little nicer to your help, you might find yourself in a Frank Lloyd Wright situation.
Richard: Frank Lloyd Wright?
Emily: What on earth does Frank Lloyd Wright have to do with my salad?
Richard: And your walnuts.
Lorelai: Mrs. Wright apparently had this major problem with her help. She was very rough on them and they totally hated her. So this guy who had worked for her forever, he had finally had enough. I believe the incident was over walnuts, wasn’t it, honey?
Rory: The exact cause has not been proven.