Robin Scherbatsky Quotes
Robin: Shut up! Now listen to me. The clock is ticking. Okay, first thing: we scoop up all these little pieces of tofu and cabbage. Next, what we need to take care of are the messy parts; the pools that have collected. We gotta soak that soup up. Last...is the smell. We gotta cover up that Tam Kuk Gye. You mentioned cigars?
Lily: There's two in the glove compartment, but he's been saving...
Robin: Hand me those chopsticks.
[5 minutes later, Robin and Lily are smoking cigars]
Robin: Mmm, hey, how 'bout some tunes? [500 Miles by The Proclaimers starts playing] Ohh, great song!
[Lily shudders]
Lily: These cigars aren't helping at all.
Robin: [grinning] Yeah, this was a terrible idea.
Lily: Uggh, now it just smells like a...homeless guy threw up in here.
[Robin stares at her in amazement; Lily looks back at her. They have their alibi] [flash to present]
Marshall: The broken windows?
Lily: We had to make it look realistic!
Marshall: Well why did you break TWO of them?
Robin: Uhhh...it looked like fun when she did it so I wanted to try.
Marshall: I can't believe this whole time it was you guys; I've been blaming Really Tan Dancing Leotard guy
Robin: [Downs drink] I can't believe my baby sister is planning to lose her virginity to a douche with a faux-hawk. This can't happen, you guys have help me talk her out of it.
Marshall: A speech to talk a girl out of sex...
Ted: ...yeah I don't have any of those.
Barney: Discouraging premarital sex is against my religion.
Robin: Please I'm her older sister I'm supposed to teach her how to make good and responsible decisions
Lily: It's 2 o'clock and you've already had three Scotch and Sodas.
Robin: [Slurred speech] That's why I need your help!
Robin: Well at least you apologized ... You apologized, didn't you?
Ted: Oh yeah, "I'm sorry" were the first words out of my mouth
[Flashback]
Ted: I'm sorry but I'm not apologizing.
Robin: Barney! What the hell are you doing? Get in here, it's freezing outside. Are you insane?
Barney: Blame Lily and her oppressive no-cigars-in-the-appartment-rule. God, it's like Marshall is marrying the Taliban.
[Barney sneezes into his hands]
Barney: High-five.
Robin: Ewww, no. Look, you have to go home and get to bed.
[Barney takes a seat]
Barney: Oh Robin, my simple friend from the untamed north. Let me tell you about a little thing I like to call 'mind over body' ... You see, whenever I start feeling sick, I just stop being sick and be awesome instead. True stor
Robin: Bras suck. They're so confining and unnatural.
Lily: Yeah, they're like a boobie zoo.
Ted: You are driving me crazy. No wonder your fake husband moved to Hong Kong.
Robin: He moved there for business!
Lily: This is the most amazing thing I have ever seen!!
Marshall: That's YOU?
Robin: Yes. I had one minor hit. I had to go all over Canada and sing this song in malls. For a whole year I lived off of Orange Juliuses and Wetzel's Pretzels.
Robin Sparkles: Please, Mr. Johnson. I'm sorry I was a bad girl. Please don't give me detention. Isn't there something I can do to make it up to you?
Ted: Oh. My. God.
Barney: Well, obviously, I've been proven right. So, in the interest of Robin's dignity, I won't show any more. Plus, it's getting late; it's already Slap o'clock. [slaps Marshall]
Robin: What the hell was that?
Barney: Ah, I slap-bet Marshall that you did porn, so, I win.
Robin: Porn?? I wish it was porn; it would be less embarrassing.
Ted: You were never married!
Robin: Yes, I was!
Ted: No, you weren't!
Robin: How do you know?!
Ted: I looked it up at the library.
Robin: What library?
Ted: The...one...on...Fifth!
Robin: When did you go?
Ted: Today at lunch, and I had an apple brie panini with potato sal-
Robin: I'm not questioning the lunch part, Ted! What database did you use?
Ted: I used...the Canadian Mall Marriage 6000.
Lily: Oh Robin, that's a really cute outfit.
Robin: Really? Thanks..
Lily: Yea, it has to go, I'm the bride and you can't look better than me.
