Ross Geller Quotes
Ross: Hypothetically speaking...
Joey: Wait. You lost me.
Rachel: Is the window open? Because if the window's open, a bird could fly in there and...
Ross: Oh my God, you know what, I think you're right! I think, you know what, listen, listen... a pigeon... no, no, wait, an eagle flew in, landed on the stove, and caught fire! The baby, seeing this, jumps across the apartment to the mighty bird's aid! The eagle, however, misconstrues this as an act of aggression, and grabs the baby in it's talon! Meanwhile, the faucet fills the apartment with water! Baby and bird, still ablaze, are locked in a death-grip, swirling around the whirlpool that fills the apartment!
Rachel: Boy are you gonna be sorry if that's true..
Rachel: Oh no! What if she jumps out of the crib!
Ross: Can't hold her own head up, but yeah, jumped.
Rachel: Oh my God! I left the water running!
Ross: Rachel, relax. You did not leave the faucet running.
Rachel: Did I leave the stove on?
Ross: You haven't cooked since 1996!
Monica: Ross, why are you all hot and sweaty?
Ross: I just bamboozled Chandler!
[Monica looks confused.]
Ross: Which isn't a sexual thing...
Joey: Fine, all right, I'll do it. But, hey! You guys have to be at the next table so you can stop me if I, you know, start to say someting stupid!
Ross: Just then, or-or all the time, 'cause… we have jobs, you know.
Phoebe: Yes, you can. Sting says so himself.
Ross: What?
Phoebe: [singing to "Roxanne"] Ross can!
Ross: Look, Phoebe, I'm sorry. It's just—
Phoebe: [singing] ROSS CAN!
Ross: Phoebe, I—
Phoebe: [singing] ROSS CAN! GET ME THE TICKETS!
Mona: No, I mean it. There are so few genuinely nice guys out there.
Joey: Tell me about it, I feel like I’m holding down the fort all by myself.
Mona: It’s Joey right?
Joey: Yeah.
Ross: ...Wait a minute! N-No! I’m the nice one! I’m the one who danced with the kids all night! How..How small are your feet?! [
Ross: You're fast and irresponsible. That adds up to a bad driver.
Rachel: Well, in high school, that added up to head cheerleader.
Ross: And I'll always remember that summer, because that's when I realized that we are related.
Cassie: It took you that long to figure it out?
Ross: I'm a little slow. [under his breath] Just as our children would be.
Paul: I said "don't see my daughter again or I'll have you fired". What you heard was "take my daughter come up to my country house and ruin my weekend with Rachel".
Ross: Please let me explain.
Paul: No, let me explain. Fired!
Ross: Fine then, have me fired. But I just want you to know... you and I are not so different. For I too am a "neat guy".
Paul: Huh?
Ross: And I too "am just a love machine".
[He hums "Love Machine" and grunts loudly. Paul looks awkwardly at Rachel and Elizabeth.]
Paul: Let me show you the guest bedroom, Ross!
