Stan Quotes (Page 5)
Cartman: Hey, guys! How's it goin'?
Chef: …Cartman?
Stan: No, that's Kenny.
Cartman: What the hell are you assholes doing here?
Stan: That's Cartman.
Stan: You are so a douche! I'm nominating you for biggest douche in the universe award, you douche!
• Vote for this Quote! • September 3rd, 2007 John Edward: You better not call me a liar, a fake, or a douche, or else I'll sue you for slander!
Stan: I am saying this to you, John Edward. You are a liar. You are a fake. And you are the biggest douche ever.
John Edward: Everything I tell people is positive and gives them hope! How does that make me a douche?
Stan: Because the big questions in life are tough; Why are we here? Where are we from? Where are we going? But as long as people believe in asshole douchey liars like you, we're never going to find the answers to those questions. You aren't just lying, you're slowing down the progress of all mankind, YOU DOUCHE!
John Edward: But, I'm a psychic.
Stan: No, dude. You're a douche.
John Edward: I'm not a douche. What if I really believed dead people talk to me?
Stan: Then, you're a stupid douche.
Tour Guide: Now you boys have probably called this young man names like "tubby", or "lard butt" or "fat tits"...
Kyle: Ooh, fat tits, that's a good one.
Stan: Yeah, we'll have to remember that.
Cartman: (the boys are discussing who to kick out of their group) so Kyle, I want to tell you it's been very fun and we're gonna miss you.
Kyle: ME!? But I've been here from the beginning.
Cartman: And it's sad to see you go. Maybe you can make friends with the kids down the road. (Pulls out 2 containers containing a watch and peanuts) here's a watch and some peanuts. Three Cheers for Kyle, Hip hip...
Stan: (angrily) Dude, we're NOT kicking Kyle out.
Cartman: (Whining) Pleeeeaaaasssse?
Stan: No.
Cartman: Alright, then I guess we have no choice... (turns to Tweek) but to let you go, Tweek, I want to say you've been great filling in as a fourth friend and we're gonna miss you. (moves the watch and peanuts to Tweek's side) Here's a watch, and some peanuts.
Kyle: No way dude, Tweek's cool.
Stan: Yeah!
Cartman: Well, dumbasses, how are we gonna make room for Bebe?
Tweek: The original prints of Raiders of the Lost Ark. What if somebody else takes them and tries to change them?
Stan: Don't worry, Tweek, it's somewhere safe. Somewhere where...nobody will ever find them.
Cartman: Yea, hippie and a terrorist is the same thing.
Kyle: No, dude, Spielberg changed terrorist to hippie to make ET more PC.
Stan: That's gay...
Chef: Hello there, children.
Stan: Chef, what would a priest want to stick up my butt?
Chef: ...Goodbye.
Stan: We killed our teacher and they found our seamen in her stomach.
Chef: Oh, children, that's a problem we all have to face at one time or another. Here: let me sing you a little song that might cheer you up. Sometimes you kill your teacher and they find your semen in her stomach, and uh-- Wait! What the what?!
Stan: So what should we do?
