Stan Quotes (Page 6)
Tweek: But, what if when I'm trying to put on the nose, the snowman comes alive and tries to kill me?
Stan: Tweek, when has that ever happened, except that one time?
Cartman: [explaining where he obtained the "sea men" for his aquarium] Yeah, I bought all I could from this bank…I got the rest from this guy named Ralph in an alley…stupid asshole didn't even charge me, he just told me to close my eyes and suck it out of a hose!
Stan: Close your eyes and suck it out of a hose?
Cartman: Suck it out of a hose, yeah.
Stan: Oh.
Kyle: Oh Jesus! Now where do we go??
Stan: We've tried everywhere! Butters, are you absolutely sure we can't go to your house??
Butters: I'm sure! there's no way!
Kyle: Uh, why not?!
Butters: Uh, because! Uh my parents are out of town, and I don't have a babysitter.
Cartman: [glares at Butters] Oh, God dammit, you better be kidding!
Butters: No, I really don't have a babysitter.
Cartman: Have you seen this trick? When someone's sleeping, you can take a glass of warm water, and when you put their hand in it…
Stan: And then what?
Cartman: …and then you pee on them!
Cartman: Hey you guys, Butters is asleep.
Stan: He's such a douchebag.
Cartman: Dammit Butters! Keep eating, or else I'll kick your ass till you're deader than Kenny!
Stan: Dude, that isn't cool. You shouldn't joke about Kenny being dead. Enough time hasn't passed.
Cartman: How long do we have to wait before we can joke about it?
Stan: 22.3 years.
Cartman: Damn, that's a long time to wait.
Stan: I let Kenny down. I'm his worst f-f-f-friend.
• Vote for this Quote! • September 2nd, 2007 Chef: Stan, sometime God takes those closest to us, because it makes him feel better about himself. He is a very vengeful god, Stan. He's all pissed off about something we did thousands of years ago. He just can't get over it! So he doesn't care who he takes. Children, puppies, it don't matter to him, so long as it makes us sad. Do you understand?
Stan: But then why does God give us anything to start with?
Chef: Well, look at it this way! If you want to make a baby cry, first you give it a lollipop. Then you take it away! If you never give it a lollipop to begin with, it would have nothing to cry about! That's like God, who gives us life and love and health, just so that he can tear it all away and make us cry. So he can drink the sweet milk of our tears! You see, it's our tears, Stan, that give God his great power.
Stan: I think I understand.
Kyle: Uh, greetings from Canada. Well boys, it's 'aboot' time we get back to our 'hoose' in Canada, isn't it?
Cartman: Hey, what the hell are you talking about? I'm not a Goddamn Canadian and neither are you.
Stan: Cartman, you stupid asshole.
Stan: America may have some problems, but it's our home, our team. And if you don't wanna root for your team, then you should get the hell out of the stadium.
• Vote for this Quote! • September 2nd, 2007
