Stewie Griffin Quotes (Page 10)
Stewie Griffin: Giving up breast milk is the hardest thing I've ever had to do. I'll bet the Founding Father's had an easier time writing the Bill of Rights.
[cut to the Founding Fathers writing of Rights]
Founding Father 1: All right, we're done.
Founding Father 2: You think the language in the Second Amendment is clear enough? You know, about the right to bear arms?
Founding Father 3: Of course it's clear. Every American has the right to hang a pair of bear arms on their wall. How could that possibly be misconstrued?
Founding Father 1: All right, fantastic, then. Wait, you know what? Before we send this to the printer, let's take that abortion thing out.
Stewie Griffin: That's more disgusting than when Peter went through his Daisy Dukes phase.
[cut to Peter wearing extremely short cut-off jeans]
Peter Griffin: So who's up for some hoops at the park, huh? Oh, there you are, come here, you basketball... [he bends over to pick it up, exposing his butt to Stewie and Brian]
Brian Griffin: It's like a walrus flossing!
[Meg and Lois are peeping at Tom Brady taking a shower]
Meg Griffin: Mom, let me look!
Lois Griffin: Meg, stop shoving. You wouldn't even know what to do with it.
Meg Griffin: He's closer to my age, you cow!
Stewie Griffin: What the hell is this?
Lois Griffin: Oh, hi, Stewie. W-we were just leaving.
Stewie Griffin: [takes a look in the hole in the wall] I say, what the Devil is all the fuss about. I don't get it, what's in the.... Bing-bong! Hello!
Stewie Griffin: Yeah, you got money to pay for fake mustaches, huh? Yeah, yeah... how much you pay for that fake mustache?
Brian Griffin: $2.99.
Stewie Griffin: Mmmm...that's good OJ. [throws the cup at Brian, who moans in pain with glass thrust into him, bleeding] That hurt? That hurt?
Brian Griffin: WHAT THE HELL!?
Stewie Griffin: Yeah, doesn't feel so good, does it? No, huh?Yeah! That's what happens, man!
Brian Griffin: OH MY GOD!
Stewie Griffin: [kicks Brian, then punches him several times] Yeah, that's what happens. Where's my money? You gonna give me my money? Where's my money, man?!
Lois Griffin: Brian, there you are! Do you have any idea what time it is? Stewie was supposed to be in bed two hours ago!
Brian Griffin: Oh, yeah, he, uh... he's, um, he's... he was right here, right next to me like four hours ago.
Lois Griffin: What?! Brian, you were supposed to watch him! Oh, my little sweetie!
Stewie Griffin: Hey, Brian, remember me? I'm the guy you left standing at the counter at McDonald's with a bag full of burgers! You know, it's funny, I tried to walk home and, um, a lot of hungry deer walking around at this hour of the night and, um, oh, here's where the story gets fun. Uh, you may have noticed I'm missing an ear! [reveals a bloody spot where his ear should be] Managed to, uh, pull it out of the deer's mouth and put it in some ice I got at a 7-Eleven. So when you're ready to apologize, just talk into this cup.
Lois Griffin: Ugh, Brian, this is inexcusable!
Peter Griffin: Yeah, what if something had happened to Stewie?
Stewie Griffin: My ear's in a cup, I guess that doesn't count.
Brian Griffin: Hey, hey, I'm not the kid's babysitter, all right? I have my own life to live!
Stewie Griffin: You know, Brian, when you wear that suit, it looks like you're doing a white poop. But it's stuck.
• Rating 4.3 / 5 • Vote for this Quote! • July 18th, 2007 Lois Griffin: Oh, I just can't stand the thought of losing Brian!
Stewie Griffin: If he dies, I'm gonna have to start hanging out with The Rock again.
[cut to a TV commercial]
Don LaFontaine: One's a baby, and the other's... black. I think. At least... part black. Or, Hispanic. I think, you know, possibly, there's some Filipino in there, yeah, possibly some Filipino. I mean, if he, if he's black it's definitely diluted. I mean, one of his parents must be white. What the hell is Jessica Alba, for that matter? If I were 40 years younger, I would plow that 'til next July...
Peter Griffin: But Dad, you're the one who said I should look into my heart to find my religion.
Francis Griffin: Yes, real religion! What I saw today wasn't religion, it was just a bunch of sheep, singing songs and listening to ridiculous tall tales.
Brian Griffin: Actually, that is religion.
Francis Griffin: Shut your trap, Brian!
Stewie Griffin: Ha! you tell him!
Stewie Griffin: Hey! finish the job, idiot! For God's sake, there's no ventilation! It smells like Brian Dennehey in here!
Brian Griffin: I see London, I see France, I see Stewie's unsightly, chaffed ass.
Stewie Griffin: Hey Gaybo. [points to his eyes] I'm up here, up here.
