Stewie Griffin Quotes (Page 15)
Father: No more balloon for you! I am sick of you tooling around the village in that thing, honking at the girls blasting your 1980s American rock music that we got here last week.
Son: But father...
Father: Go to your palace!
Brian Griffin: Are you thinkin' what I'm thinkin'?
Stewie Griffin: Ugh, yes, just wait until they have to suffer through Jesus Jones. Pee-yew!
Brian Griffin: Not that. The balloon!
Midget Woman: HELP ME!!
Stewie Griffin: It rubs the lotion on its skin or else gets the hose again! HA!!
Stewie Griffin: Well, let's see, what takes an hour? We could watch Rita Rudner do five minutes of stand-up.
Brian Griffin [uninterested]: Ba-zing.
Police officer: Why are you holding that infant's hand?
Stewie Griffin: Oh, we met on the Internet.
Brian Griffin: Shut up!
Stewie Griffin: Yes, he lured me down to the park with promises of candy and funny stories.
Stewie Griffin: Yes, yes, do you like cleaning my doodie, Brian? Say it, say it, say 'I like cleaning your doodie, Stewie'. HA! Don't forget the taint!
• Rating 5.0 / 5 • Vote for this Quote! • July 9th, 2007 Lois Griffin: Brian, will you watch Stewie for a minute?
Brian Griffin: Sure.
Lois Griffin: And please keep an eye on him. Remember what happened last time?
[cut to Stewie jumping up and down on Peter and Lois' bed; Stewie has a normal shaped head]
Brian Griffin: Stewie, get down before you hurt yourself.
Stewie Griffin: Shut up, you're not my mother!
Brian Griffin: Good God, are you alright?
Stewie Griffin: Fine. Why do you ask?
Olivia Fuller: Pretty exciting.
Stewie Griffin: What? The marquee or the other thing?
Olivia Fuller: Uh, what other thing?
Stewie Griffin: You know. The sex... with Simon. Why else would your name be first?
Olivia Fuller: Well, it's obvious. You know. Lead with strength, put your best foot forward, et cetera, et cetera.
Stewie Griffin: So the sex was good?
Olivia Fuller: Oh, shut up, egotistical jerk!
Stewie Griffin: You shut up, you sap bellied strumpet!
Olivia Fuller: Blimp-headed jackass!
Stewie Griffin: Mealy-mouthed crotch pheasant!
Stewie Griffin: I'd love to stay and chat but you're a total bitch.
• Rating 5.0 / 5 • Vote for this Quote! • July 9th, 2007 Olivia Fuller: You are the weakest link, goodbye! [laughter]
Stewie Griffin: Ha ha ha! Oh gosh, that's funny! That's really funny. Do you write your own material? Do you? Because that is so fresh. You are the weakest link, goodbye. You know, I've, I've never heard anyone make that joke before. Hmm. You're the first. I've never heard anyone reference, reference that outside the program before. Because that's what she says on the show right? Isn't it? You are the weakest link goodbye. And, and yet you've taken that and used it out of context to insult me in this everyday situation. God, what a clever, smart girl you must be, to come up with a joke like that all by yourself. Hmm. That's so fresh too. Any, any Titanic jokes you want to throw at me too as long as we're hitting these phenomena at the height of their popularity, hmm? 'Cause I'm ri... I'm here. God, you're so funny!
Stewie Griffin: Oh, splendid. This calls for a sexy party!
• Rating 4.7 / 5 • Vote for this Quote! • July 9th, 2007
