Stewie Griffin Quotes (Page 16)
Stewie Griffin: AH HA! So they do make bigger diapers! That deceitful woman told me I'd have to learn to use the toilet! Well fie on the toilet! It's made slaves of you all. I've seen it sitting in there, lazy slothful porcelain lay-about feeding on other people's doo-doo's while contributing nothing of its own to society. [points to the toilet] GET A JOB!
• Vote for this Quote! • July 9th, 2007Stewie Griffin: Good evening. I am playing the role of Jesus, a man once portrayed on the big screen by Jeffrey Hunter. You may remember him as the actor who was replaced by William Shatner on Star Trek. Apparently Mr. Hunter was good enough to die for our sins, but not quite up to the task of seducing green women.
• Vote for this Quote! • July 9th, 2007 Stewie Griffin: Now, fess up, or I'll do to you what I did to John Lennon.
[cut to Stewie introducing John Lennon to Yoko Ono]
Stewie Griffin: John, have you met Yoko? Yoko, John?
Stewie Griffin: Ah, Dostoevsky. The Mad Russian. Good stuff, good stuff.
Brian Griffin: You're not gonna get the $26 and you're despicable for trying.
Stewie Griffin: What ...oh, oh, you thought... I wasn't trying to get the $26. I thought we were just having a perfectly innocent conversation about literature. Oh you're silly, you're silly... I... I love that you'd go there. You're... you're silly. Good-bye!
Stewie Griffin: A picture of Meg in a two-piece swimsuit...Oh, God, I pray this is not my first memory!
• Vote for this Quote! • July 6th, 2007Stewie Griffin [hiding in a locker]: They're getting nude! Oh, I musn't watch, it's not the proper thing to... Whoa! I say, nice ones, Janene. And look at Lisa and all of her curvaceous glory! Good heavens, it appears that my wee-wee has been stricken with rigor mortis!
• Rating 5.0 / 5 • Vote for this Quote! • July 6th, 2007Stewie Griffin [to himself in mirror]: Ugh, look at how fat you are. You disgust me. Oink-oink, fatty! Oh, yes, yes, you'll take butter on that English muffin, won't you, because you're the cheerleading squad's token blimp! You don't deserve to eat!
• Vote for this Quote! • July 6th, 2007 Stewie Griffin: I think that would be a bad idea. And I know something about bad ideas.
[cutaway to Stewie sitting at a bar drunk with O.J. Simpson]
Stewie Griffin: I'm... I'm... I'm telling you, Juice! She's screwin' around behind your back, and if I were in your Bruno Maglis, I wouldn't stand for it. Another mai tai? Thanks. So, listen...
Stewie Griffin [about the cheerleaders] They had us all completely under their spell, like that hypnotist at the airport Hilton...
[cutaway to the Hilton]
Hypnotyst: ...and, three!
Brian Griffin: Oh, wow. Were we just hypnotized?
Stewie Griffin: Oh, that's incredible, I don't remember a thing. Why do I taste crotch?
Brian Griffin: Were you followed?
Lois Griffin: Don't worry, I've got a decoy.
[cutaway to Spooner Street, where Chris, dressed as Lois, pushes Stewie in a stroller down the sidewalk]
Glenn Quagmire: Hey, Lois. Hubba-hubba... whoa, Lois! You've put on a few, huh?
Chris Griffin: Well, I never! [slaps Quagmire]
Stewie Griffin: That's all right, honey. I didn't think he was the one, anyway. Now, let's go get sundaes.
