Stewie Griffin Quotes (Page 18)
Stewie Griffin [in his cereal-box fort, to Meg] Hey, porker! Yes, I'm calling you a porker, and there's nothing you can do about it because I'm protected by my impenetrable cereal box fort. [to Brian] Hey you, drunky! Yes, that's right, I'm calling you a drunky, and there's nothing you can do about it because I'm pro- [Brian smacks the fort, knocking it down]
• Vote for this Quote! • July 6th, 2007Stewie Griffin: I'd do her, do her, wouldn't do her, ugh, who hasn't done her? Do her, lose the pigtails, then we'll talk. Do her, do her...
• Vote for this Quote! • July 6th, 2007Stewie Griffin: You know, my hooligan friend, I've been racking my brain in a thus far fruitless attempt to resolve our recent unpleasantness. Then it dawned on me: your cruelty merely stems from some deep-seated inner pain... so, the obvious remedy is a healthy dose of OUTER PAIN!!!
• Rating 5.0 / 5 • Vote for this Quote! • July 5th, 2007 Stewie Griffin: I say, constable, I'd like to report the theft of my tricycle.
Irish Policeman: Oh, look at the little baby. Aren't you cute? Where's your mommy?
Stewie Griffin: How dare you condescend to me! I demand justice!
Stewie Griffin: Oh, let me guess. You picked out yet another colorful box with a crank that I'm expected to turn, and turn, until... ooh! Big shock, a jack pops out. And, you laugh, and the kids laugh, and the dog laughs, and I die a little inside...
• Vote for this Quote! • July 5th, 2007 Stewie Griffin: [imitating Brian] I'm the dog! I'm well-read and have a diverse stock portfolio! But I'm not above eating grass clippings and regurgitating them on the small braided rug near the door!
Brian Griffin: [imitating Stewie] I'm a pompous little Antichrist who will probably abandon my plans for world domination when I grow up and fall in love with a rough trick named Jim.
Psychologist: Does Stewart have a history of aggression?
Lois Griffin: No, no, hitting Peter is the first violent thing he's ever done.
Stewie Griffin: Well, technically the first act of violence was that time bomb I left ticking in your uterus before I came out. Happy 50th birthday Lois!
Stewie Griffin: Why you tottering fem-sucked dewberry, I'm going to find something to strike you with. Excuse me.
• Vote for this Quote! • July 5th, 2007 Stewie Griffin: Must've pulled something playing hoops last week.
[cut to Stewie playing Basketball with black guys]
Stewie Griffin: I know you're not puttin' that rock up from here, you ain't gon no J.
Black Guy: Yo, man, that's trippin'!
Stewie Griffin: Brotha, please, you're the one who's trippin'. Go on, cry home to your mama, she waitin' for you!
Black Guy: Now, don't make me put my size 13s up your narrow ass!
Stewie Griffin: I don't sweat you. Bring it on, bitch! Now how you gonna act? Sheesh. Bringin' that trash in here... this is my house!
Lois Griffin: I can't believe your father organized this. Usually he can't even handle simple tasks.
[cut to the living room. On the lamp, there's a diaper where the light bulb should be]
Lois Griffin: Peter, why is there a diaper in the lamp socket?
Stewie Griffin: [walks in naked with light bulb in ass] Ah! Lois, he's done it again! Wait a minute...
