Stewie Griffin Quotes (Page 3)
Brian Griffin: How are we gonna get out of here?
Stewie Griffin: You still got the starting gun?
Brian Griffin: Yeah.
Stewie Griffin: Give it to me.
[a car approaches]
Stewie Griffin: [holding the driver at gunpoint]: GET OUT OF THE FUCKING CAR! GET OUT OF THE FUCKING CAR RIGHT NOW, MAN!
Driver: OH, JESUS!
Stewie Griffin: GET OUT OF THE FUCKING CAR!
Driver: OH, MY GOD!
Stewie Griffin: DO IT! GO! DO IT OR I'LL FUCKING KILL YOU! GET THE FUCK OUT OF THE FUCKING CAR!
Brian Griffin: Did we just carjack someone?
Stewie Griffin: We sure did, Brian. We sure did.
Brian Griffin: Look, Stewie, don't you think at some point you're gonna have to let Rupert go? I mean, you are getting a little old to have a teddy bear.
Stewie Griffin: Brian, I'm one!
Brian Griffin: Still?
Stewie Griffin: What?
Brian Griffin: Look, I'm not going to Colorado. I'm turning around and going home.
Stewie Griffin: Fine, then, I'll go by myself. See you from the back of my milk carton. Want that on your conscience, Brian? Try explaining this to Lois. You'll wind up in a Dumpster with a bunch of slow, un-adoptable greyhounds.
Brian Griffin: Don't joke about that! That's like the Holocaust to us!
Stewie Griffin: Yeah, well, when greyhounds start running The New York Times and the World Bank, I'll be more inclined to believe you.
Stewie Grifin: What?! But I can't leave Rupert to perish. For the rest of my life, I'll be as lonely as Pat Robertson and Jerry Falwell after the rapture.
[cut to Pat and Jerry after the rapture]
Pat Robertson: Damn it, Jerry, why are we the only ones still here?
Jerry Falwell: I don't know, we hated all the right things.
Pat Robertson: Now there's nothing left to hate.
Jerry Falwell: I'm gonna hate that rock.
Pat Robertson: No, I'm gonna hate that rock.
Jerry Falwell: Let's both hate that rock.
Pat Robertson: I hate you.
Jerry Falwell: I hate you, too.
Mayor Adam West: Can I help you, gentlemen?
Brian Griffin: Follow that truck! Didn't you hear me? I said "Follow that truck!"
Mayor Adam West: Oh, I heard you. What I didn't hear was "please."
Brian and Stewie: Please follow the truck!
Stewie Griffin: Why have you brought me to the toy store, Brian?
Brian Griffin: I'm buying you another Rupert. [grabs a toy gorilla] Hey, this one's cute, huh? [reads tag] And if we buy it, they save a real gorilla in the wild... and if we don't, they kill one. Wow, these guys are playing hardball.
Stewie Griffin: Here she is! Brian, I present to you your polished turd for the evening.
Meg Griffin: How do I look, Brian?
Brian Griffin: Ahhhhhhh, you sure do, Meg.
Stewie Griffin: FYI, the carpet matches the drapes. In color and quantity. You ever seen a blacksmith's apron?
Stewie Griffin: I'll humiliate her worse than Luke Skywalker did to that rebel pilot.
[cut away]
General: The exhaust shaft is only two meters wide, so you'll have to use proton torpedoes.
Rebel Pilot: But that's impossible, even for a computer!
Luke Skywalker: It's not impossible, I used to bulls-eye womprats in my T-16 back home, and they're not much bigger than two meters.
Rebel Pilot: Hey, uh... could I talk to you privately for a second?
Luke Skywalker: Sure.
Rebel Pilot: That, uh... That was unnecessary.
Luke Skywalker: What's the problem?
Rebel Pilot: Well you just kind of called me out in front of everybody back there.
Luke Skywalker: I was just making a point...
Rebel Pilot: I know, I know, but you like, just kinda sandbagged me in front of everyone we know.
Luke Skywalker: Oh, oh, I "sandbagged" you?
Rebel Pilot: In front of all of our friends, yeah, you sandbagged me.
Luke Skywalker: I "sandbagged" you.
Rebel Pilot: You sandbagged me, yes.
Luke Skywalker: Well here I am trying to help you --
Rebel Pilot: You know what? You know what? You know what? I don't need your kind of help, alright? Have a great assault, jerk.
Brian Griffin: So what happened?
Stewie Griffin: Well, you wanna know what I learned this week? Being a grown-up sucks. Woman, Brian- what a royal pain in the ass. It's like, it's like, why can't you just hang out with guys, you know? Just live with someone of your own sex, just do what you would do with women, but with your buddy, you know wha... why don't guys just do that?
Brian Griffin: They do, it's called being gay.
Stewie Griffin: Oh, that's what gay is? Oh yeah, I could totally get into that.
Stewie Griffin: Idea for a farce: cheating wife and pompous ass burned alive.
• Rating 5.0 / 5 • Vote for this Quote! • July 25th, 2007 Brian Griffin: Hey, where's Olivia?
Stewie Griffin: Oh, she's probably up at the house.
Brian Griffin: Stewie?
Stewie Griffin: Yeah?
Brian Griffin: It's not your fault.
Stewie Griffin: What?
Brian Griffin: It's not your fault.
Stewie Griffin: I know.
Brian Griffin: It's not your fault.
Stewie Griffin: I know.
Brian Griffin: No Stewie, Stewie.... It's not your fault.
Stewie Griffin: Don't do this to me man, not you, man.
Brian Griffin: It's not your fault.
Stewie Griffin: Screw you, cut it out, man!
Brian Griffin: It's not your fault.
Stewie Griffin: [hugs Brian; cries] Why is it so hard? I didn't know it was going to be so hard!!!
