Stewie Griffin Quotes (Page 4)
Stewie Griffin: Hey babe, what do ya say, we goin' out Saturday night?
Olivia Fuller: Stewie, what are you doing here? I told you, I'm just into a different type of guy.
Stewie Griffin: Oh yeah? I'll tell you what you're into: Bein' ugly.
Olivia Fuller: Stewie, you're being mean.
Stewie Griffin: No, if I was being mean, when you opened the door, I would have said "Oh, hey Ray Liotta, is Olivia home? Oh, wait, you're Olivia. You see, I thought you were Ray Liotta, because your skin has the texture of a decorative autumn squash." So, I'll pick you up at seven?
Olivia Fuller [sobbing]: That sounds wonderful.
Stewie Griffin: She said yes! My God, I'm cooler than that cheetah from the commercials.
Brian Griffin: [to Stewie] You wanna know how to get women? There's only one place to observe.
[outside Quagmire's house]
Brian Griffin: Just watch.
Woman: I am not doing that, Glenn.
Glenn Quagmire: Come on beautiful, keep an open mind.
Woman: You're a sick man!
Glenn Quagmire: Hey keep it down, I don't want my neighbors seeing a fat, old, dirty whore screaming at me on my front lawn.
Woman: Whore?! Well, maybe I should come inside.
Glenn Quagmire: Well maybe you should.
Stewie Griffin: What the deuce? Why the hell would she respond so positively to such a negative comment? Unless ... Brian, do women like it when you treat them like crap?
Brian Griffin: Well I don't know if you wanna be so black and white about it...
Stewie Griffin: WAIT! That's it! Women respond when you treat them like crap. Well, Olivia, prepare to meet a much darker Stewie.
Jillian: Hi Stewie!
Brian Griffin: What the hell are you doing?
Stewie Griffin: Eh, not much really. Just me and my pubes... haaaaangin' out.
Brian Griffin: Oh, dear God!
Stewie Griffin: Boy, I am so beat from doin' adult stuff all day.
Jillian: So am I.
Stewie Griffin: [stretching] I just feel like kickin' it tonight. [a pair of fuzzy dice falls out of his diaper] Oh! Look at that, I'm growin' all the time.
Stewie Griffin: Oh,I haven't given up yet, Brian. Olivia says she wants a more mature, grown-up man, so all I've got to do is be more grown up.
Brian Griffin: What are you doing?
Stewie Griffin: Just cleaning out your brush, man.
Jillian: I'm really surprised you invited me out for dinner, Stevie.
Stewie Griffin: Oh well, you know, I just wanted to touch base, see how everything-- it's "Stewie," by the way-- just to check in, make sure everything is going well with you and Brian.
Jillian: It's going kickass!
Stewie Griffin: Well, you look fantastic. Got some meat on your bones, which is great.
Jillian: What?
Stewie Griffin: Oh, just saying you look jolly, like Ruben Studdard or John Goodman or Santa.
Jillian: Oh my God, are you saying I'm fat?
Stewie Griffin: No, I'm saying Santa's thin -- GET IN THERE AND THROW UP!
Brian Griffin: Ugh... Stewie, what the hell?! Get me down from here!
Stewie Griffin: No way, man! How do I know you're not the Tooth Fairy in disguise?!
Brian Griffin: Your middle name is Gilligan.
Stewie Griffin: NOT GOOD ENOUGH!
Brian Griffin: You think my girlfriend's a moron.
Stewie Griffin: SO DOES EVERYONE!
Brian Griffin: You have a picture of Chris Noth in your wallet.
Stewie Griffin: Okay.
Stewie Griffin: What the hell is that?
Brian Griffin: Ah, it's Jillian. She's, uh... she has this eating disorder. She's bulimic.
Stewie Griffin: My God, that's horrible!
Brian Griffin: I know, it really is. I mean, her hair is falling out, last week she lost a tooth...
Stewie Griffin: Really?
Brian Griffin: But man, I'll tell you, all that purging just makes her body look fantastic. I mean, that's what the supermodels do, and so many of them just look so great.
Stewie Griffin [to Brian]: An entire week and still no teeth. And it turns out these teeth I got from the old man are phony. Brian, Brian, look. I'm Gary Busey. I'm frequently aggressive in situations that don't call for it!
• Vote for this Quote! • July 24th, 2007 Brian Griffin: Don't worry about it. I'm sure it'll be a while before you lose another tooth.
Stewie Griffin: I can't wait for that. I have to lure her back on my terms and kill her myself! But to catch a fairy, I have to think like a fairy.
Announcer: If you want Brian to say, "Well, that'll be a stretch", text-message FAMGUY1. If you want Brian to say, "I'm not touching' that one", text FAMGUY2. If you want Brian to say, "Arriba!" and dance around a sombrero, text FAMGUY3. Enter now. Thanks for voting.
Brian Griffin: Arriba!
Stewie Griffin: [singing, to the tune of Gary Numan's "Cars"]:
Brian had sex...
With a really dumb girl...
Now he's taking his friend Stewie...
To get some ice cream...
In his car...
