Stewie Griffin Quotes (Page 5)
Stewie Griffin [half-asleep]: Huh? Mmm... What the hell? It took you three hours to break up with her?
Brian Griffin: Uh... not exactly.
Stewie Griffin: Well, what were you doing in there? What's that smell? Smells like sweat and anger and shame.
Brian Griffin: Yep.
Stewie Griffin: Dude, that was painful.
Brian Griffin: What are you doing here? Did you follow us?
Stewie Griffin:Brian, why can't you just admit what's going on here?
Brian Griffin: Okay, okay. Fine. Fine. I'm gonna have to break it off. But, boy, it's gonna be tougher than the reviews for Our American Cousin.
[Cut to backstage where the cast read the newspaper]
Man: Blah, blah, blah, "Lincoln assassinated," blah, blah, blah, "Tragedy for our Republic." Uh... oh, look! "Ably performed by the entire ensemble."
Other Actors: That's us! That's all of us!
Stewie Griffin: So, Jillian, what are your views regarding Homeland Security? Do you think we should support what the president is doing?
Jillian: Well, I just think, for starters, that sometimes the government has things they can't tell us, and "truthishly", we should just accept that.
Brian Griffin: Okay, good night, everyone.
Stewie Griffin: Oh, say, Jillian, before you go, I forget: Do you know what the capital of this state is?
Jillian: Um, Rhode Island City?
Stewie Griffin: It's like she's f**king five!
Stewie Griffin: No, I want to know, Brian. What specifically do you talk about?
Brian Griffin: Uh, a lot of things, Um... food, um... the new seat covers she just got for her Jetta, um... Real World / Road Rules Challenge...
Stewie Griffin: You hate MTV!
Brian Griffin: Pot helps.
Stewie Griffin: Now, why in the world would you be embarrassed about dating her?
Jillian: Oh, my God, Brian, I was watching something on TV about this guy named Hitler... somebody should stop him!
Stewie Griffin: Is she retarded?
Stewie Griffin: When do I get to meet her? [Jillian]
Brian Griffin: No, no. No way.
Stewie Griffin: Oh, I see, I get it ... she's hideous.
Brian Griffin: She is not hideous.
Stewie Griffin: Oh, well, let me ask you something: Does she have an alibi?
Brian Griffin: For what? Why would she need an alibi?
Stewie Griffin: So, you're saying she does not have an alibi?
Brian Griffin: Well, no.
Stewie Griffin: Okay, so, we've established [sings] she ain't got no alibi, she UGLY! She UGLY! [dances] U-G-L-Y, she ain't got no alibi, she UGLY!
Brian Griffin: Screw off!
Peter Griffin: Ah! Ow! Damn it!
Lois Griffin: Peter, are you all right?
Peter Griffin: No, no, I think you should call somebody.
Brian Griffin: Ma'am, are you all right?
Backup Dancer: I can't... breathe.
Brian Griffin: Oh, God, I think she punctured a lung.
Peter Griffin: Ah, damn it, look at my foot. It's already starting to swell up. God, I'm looking forward to this week. Freakin' swelled foot all week.
Stewie Griffin [to camera]: You know, we should... we should, you should, probably go ahead and shut that off.
Stewie Griffin: All right, you can do this, Brian. Come on, pray with me. Dear Lord... just stay out of our way. Okay, good luck.
• Rating 5.0 / 5 • Vote for this Quote! • July 24th, 2007Stewie Grifin: You can't leave, man, that's Desertion. They'll come after you like Peter went after that hockey coach. [pause, but there's no cut away]
Stewie Grifin: Oh, no clip? Oh, thought we had a clip. Nope? Okay. Uh-uh, you can't leave, Brian...
Brian Griffin: I can't believe they're brainwashing kids like Chris to serve in the military.
Stewie Griffin: Ah, yes. The bottom 10 percent of our high school class is off to fight another battle.
Brian Griffin: You stole that from The Onion.
Stewie Griffin: What?
Brian Griffin: You stole that. I... read that in The Onion. About the war in Iraq.
Stewie Griffin: Well, if that's true, then I'd say they've got some sharp cookies over at the, uh... what is it again? The Onion?
Brian Griffin: So, if I go up to your room right now, I'm not going to find a copy of The Onion, right?
Stewie Griffin: No. [Tries to run, but slips on his food and falls off his high chair] OW!!! DAMN IT!!!
Brian Griffin: That's what I thought.
