Stewie Griffin Quotes (Page 7)
Stewie Griffin: [to his older self] You listen to me, Stewart Griffin! You march in there right now and... [reading from The Joy of Sex] "insert your phal-lus into her vag-in-a." Go!
• Vote for this Quote! • July 19th, 2007 Stewie Griffin: All right, we've got a big day of overhauling your life ahead. First, we've got to fix up this apartment and ... stop that.
Stu Griffin: What?
Stewie Griffin: Why are you staring at my genitals?
Stu Griffin: Well, look, I'm not allowed to tell you anything about your own future, but I will say this: Enjoy your left testicle while you can.
Stewie Griffin: What?!
Stu Griffin: I've said too much.
Stewie Griffin: Don't be coy, you dirty horndog. You're humpinh Fran. Tell me, how many times have we gotten into those Lane Bryant stretchpants?
Stu Griffin: What? Never!
Stewie Griffin: Damn right, never... what do you mean, "never" ?
Stu Griffin: Stewie, I've never slept with any woman. I've never had sex. [pause, then Stewie smacks him]
Stewie Griffin: All right, that's it! I could handle the crappy apartment and the pedestrian job, but now you're telling me I'm a 35-year-old Parade magazine reading virgin?! Well, you, sir, are pathetic! So forget about sending me back, because I'm not leaving until we do a complete overhaul on this sad thing you call "our life"!
Stu Griffin: Can I still read Parade?
Stewie Griffin: NO, YOU CANNOT STILL READ PARADE!
Stewie Griffin [upon seeing Lois in the future]: She's still alive?! What the hell, man?!
• Vote for this Quote! • July 19th, 2007 Peter Griffin: What the hell is this?
Brian Griffin: Well, it looks like an intermission. A chance to stretch the old legs.
Peter Griffin: Aw, man, I peed in this cup for nothing?
Chris Griffin: Oh, Dad, I just kicked over your coke.
Stewie Griffin: I look atrocious. Did you see my ass? Oh, my God!
Meg Griffin: This stinks! I can't believe they cut my whole sex scene. It was so tastefully done!
Lois Griffin: Hey Peter, could you go to the concession stand? I want something to suck on.
Glenn Quagmire: Giggity-giggity?
Cleveland Brown: Hey, Quagmire, you think we got time to go outside and burn one?
Glenn Quagmire: Aw, you mean it's not over yet? How long is this thing?
Herbert: Chris, do you have a shower scene? Or do I have to keep dreamin'? Mmmmm...
Brian Griffin: Alright, we're back.
Brian Griffin: Are you alright?
Stewie Griffin [shouting]: NEVER BETTER! I GOT SOME PEP PILLS FROM A TRUCKER AT THE LAST STOP! KEEPS ME AWAKE!
Brian Griffin: You took pills?
Stewie Griffin: WEST COAST TURNAROUNDS! TRUCKER SAID TO ONLY TAKE ONE BUT I TOOK ALL OF THEM!
Brian Griffin: Look, maybe you should slow down.
Stewie Griffin: WHY?! WE'RE MAKING GOOD TIME!
Brian Griffin: We're not even on the road.
Stewie Griffin: HUH?!
Brian Griffin: I said we're not even on the road!
Stewie Griffin: DON'T NEED TO BE! COMPASS SAYS "WEST"! THAT'S WHERE WE'RE HEADED!
Brian Griffin: Stewie, we're in the middle of the desert.
Stewie Griffin: I KNOW! IMAGINE THE NADS ON THOSE GUYS WHO DID THIS IN A WAGON! PIONEERS, BRIAN! WE SHARE THEIR SPIRIT! MANIFEST DESTINY!
Brian Griffin: Alright, that's it! Give me the wheel!
Stewie Griffin: GO TO HELL!!!
Stewie Griffin [to Quagmire, who's with a hooker]: I suppose I'll go pump the chemical toilet. Apparently, you're about to do the same.
• Rating 4.0 / 5 • Vote for this Quote! • July 19th, 2007 Robot Stewie: Damn you vile woman. Blast. What the deuce.
Robot Brian: I am a tool. Stewie is much better than me at everything including arts and crafts and the guitar. I have no friends.
Brian Griffin [to drunken Stewie]: Uh, alright. Time for your nap. Don't worry Lois, I'll take him. Let's go.
Stewie Griffin [drunkenly]: God, what-why you-what the hell? Why are y-you drag-why are we in here? It's, uh, rude to the... other people.
Brian Griffin: You're drunk.
Stewie Griffin: You're sexy!
Brian Griffin: Listen, you have to stop this. Alright? No more drinking! I'm sorry I even put it in your head.
Stewie Griffin: I don't know-I don't even know what you're problem is. I've never felt better. [vomits on Brian] Okay, now I've never felt better.
Stewie Griffin: Hell? Oh that's a bit much, don't you think? I mean, sure, I've spent my entire life trying to kill my mother, but who hasn't?
• Vote for this Quote! • July 19th, 2007
