Ted Mosby Quotes
Marshall: But just to make sure it records, maybe we should bow our heads and say a quiet prayer to the TiVo gods.
Ted: Almighty TiVo, We thank you for all the gifts you have given us. The power to freeze live TV to go take a leak is nothing short of god-like. And let's not forget fast-forwarding through commercials. It seems greedy to ask anything more from you, o magic box, but if you malfunction and miss the Super Bowl, we will destroy you in the alley with baseball bats.
Marshall and Ted: Amen.
Ted: [about the naked painting of Marshall] This is awesome times awesome. It's awesome squared.
• Vote for this Quote! • March 31st, 2007 Robin: [Downs drink] I can't believe my baby sister is planning to lose her virginity to a douche with a faux-hawk. This can't happen, you guys have help me talk her out of it.
Marshall: A speech to talk a girl out of sex...
Ted: ...yeah I don't have any of those.
Barney: Discouraging premarital sex is against my religion.
Robin: Please I'm her older sister I'm supposed to teach her how to make good and responsible decisions
Lily: It's 2 o'clock and you've already had three Scotch and Sodas.
Robin: [Slurred speech] That's why I need your help!
Lily: That's 'Dirty Dancing'!
Ted: It was on last night.
Marshall: No, it was two nights ago. "She's Like the Wind" has been stuck in my brain for about 40 hours. I just got it out; now it's back in. Damn you, Swayze!
[While very high]
Ted: How was the concert?
Marshall: [laughs] I couldn't find outisde
Robin: Well at least you apologized ... You apologized, didn't you?
Ted: Oh yeah, "I'm sorry" were the first words out of my mouth
[Flashback]
Ted: I'm sorry but I'm not apologizing.
[After Ted tells Barney what he called Lily]
Barney: Ted Vivian Mosby!
Ted: That's not my middle name..
Barney: You kiss your mother with that mouth?
Ted: Like you've never said that word?
Barney: I don't kiss your mother with my mouth, yet...
[Barney sneezes]
Ted: Are you sick?
Barney: Is it sick to find maturity and experience sexy?
Ted: No, I meant do you have a cold?
Barney: I'm fine. [blows his nose from a cold]
[Ted and Robin look at him]
Barney: I'm fine. My nose is just overflowing with awesome and I had to get some of it out.
Ted: You are driving me crazy. No wonder your fake husband moved to Hong Kong.
Robin: He moved there for business!
Ted: You were never married!
Robin: Yes, I was!
Ted: No, you weren't!
Robin: How do you know?!
Ted: I looked it up at the library.
Robin: What library?
Ted: The...one...on...Fifth!
Robin: When did you go?
Ted: Today at lunch, and I had an apple brie panini with potato sal-
Robin: I'm not questioning the lunch part, Ted! What database did you use?
Ted: I used...the Canadian Mall Marriage 6000.
Barney: Fine, if you wanna know what Robin's secret is...
Ted: You know??!
Barney: Of course I know. She couldn't look at us. Her face got flushed. That's shame, my friend. Our friend Robin used to do porn....wait for it....ography!
Ted: Yea, we didn't really need to wait for that. And it's ridiculous!
Lily: I don't know. He could be right. She does have the fake orgasm noises down.
Ted: Hey!
Lily: What? The walls are thin.
Ted: That's not what I was 'hey'-ing you about.
