Ted Mosby Quotes (Page 7)
Marshall: You okay?
Ted: Sure. Why?
Marshall: Ah...I don't know. Girl of your dreams...dating a billionaire.
Ted: Okay, first of all, hundred-millionaire. And second, she's not the girl of my dreams. We're just friends. Look, it would not be smart if we got together. I..I mean, I'm looking to settle down, she's looking for a.... [Barney starts snoring]
Barney: Wha...? You done? Great. Check out table number four. See that little hottie on the end? She's short, but has an ample bosom. I love it! She's like half boob. [whispers to Ted] Let's go.
Ted: Yea and say what? What's our big opening line?
Barney: I was uh....'Daddy's home'.
Ted: Daddy's home?
Barney: Yea.
Ted: Okay, you..you want us to go over there, right now, and say to those girls,'Daddy's home'. Really think about that, Barney.
Barney: Hmm...yea, I think it's pretty solid.
[At a homeless shelter]
Ted: What are you doing here?
Barney: The Lord's work.
Ted: But you're Satan!
Robin: I am Canadian. Remember? We celebrate Thanksgiving in October.
Ted: Oh right I forgot. You guys are weird and you pronounce the word 'out', 'oot.'
Robin: You guys are the world's leader in hand gun violence; your health care system is bankrupt and your country is deeply divided on almost every important issue.
Ted: [pause] Your cops are called 'mounties.'
Ted: If a c**kroach and a mouse can find love in this crazy world, then so can I!
• Vote for this Quote! • March 27th, 2007Barney: Ted, these chicks are desperate and hot, that's a perfect c**ktail. Shake well, then sleep with.
Ted: I'm not going to a matchmaker, that's like giving up. It's the man-version of getting a cat.
Lily: Don't Ted-out about it.
Ted: Did you just use my name as a verb?
arney: Oh, yeah, we do that behind your back. "Ted-out": to overthink. See also "Ted-up". "Ted-up": to overthink with disastrous consequences. For example, "Billy Tedded-up when he-"
Ted: All right, I get it!
Robin: Am I wired wrong or something?
Ted: No. Look, you didn't want to be with me, so clearly you have abysmal taste in men.
Barney: Okay, I'm leaving, but just know, this Victoria's Secret party is on a yacht. And what will be sticking to that yacht? The Barnacle.
Ted: Really? That's the nickname now?
Barney: Yeah, the Barnacle
Ted: The Barnacle?
Barney: That's it. [pause] Barnacle, out!
Ted: Come on, wouldn't it be the coolest story ever if the slutty pumpkin turned out to be my future wife?
Lily: Oh, on the off chance that could happen, maybe we should stop calling her the 'Slutty Pumpkin'.
Robin: How can a pumpkin costume be sexy?
Ted: It was carved in strategic locations
