The Janitor Quotes
Todd: Okay, I've got something we can't give her permanently, but I can guarantee she'll enjoy it while she has her hands on it-
Janitor: No! Preemptive strike on the sex joke. Take a timeout.
Janitor: Ah, hey everyone. I've been looking for a new roleplaying game ever since my Lord Of The Rings-club booted me for using an actual warhammer, so would anyone mind if I pretended to be Chief of Medicine while Kelso is out of town?
Everyone: *Unison approval*
Janitor: Fantastic! Let's make cancer feel foolish!
Turk: How do you know sign language?
Janitor: Well, when I was in high school I was a volunteer janitor at the Hoboken Zoo. And one night I was out plucking peacock feathers to sell for pens when I noticed Gary the gorilla making the sign for food. I gave him my danish. He gave the sign for thank you. Those were the only two signs that Gary knew. Except for boobs. He liked them big and hairy.
The Todd: Join the club, playa.
Janitor: Get away.
The Todd: (shrugs) Okay. (walks away)
Janitor: So, eventually Gary, I'm sorry to say, died of lung cancer. For that I blame myself because I used to share my smokes with him. But he also piqued my interest in signing and in his memory I took my first signing class.
J.D.: Is any of that true?
Janitor: Someone would have to read it back to me.
Janitor: Cool, Swamp Thing!
• Vote for this Quote! • July 5th, 2007 Janitor: This here's our new flagpole. Why don't you show old glory a little respect and snap off a salute?
J.D.: There's no flag up there.
Janitor: We're at war, my friend. All American flags are on backorder. What do you want me to do in the meantime? Run a pirate flag up there? Maybe turn the whole building into a pirate ship? I could put a captain's wheel up on the roof. Catch a parrot somehow, slap on an eye patch, go to work with a caulk gun, seal her up, make her watertight. I could take her out to sea.
J.D.: Are you insane?
Janitor: No. I'm a pirate.
Turk: How the hell am I supposed to cry?
Janitor: You need to cry, let's brainstorm. I could hit you over the head with a wrench, or... [turns wrench around to reveal a knife on the other end] I could stab you in the gut with a knife. [sings] Knife-Wrench! Practical and safe. {tries to slip the knife-wrench in his pocket, but stabs his leg.)
J.D.: You're not aware of any sort of odd underground canal system beneath the hospital are you? I think I saw a manatee.
Janitor: Was his name Julien?
J.D.: We didn't exchange pleasantries.
Janitor: That's Julien.
Janitor: it's a kangaroo...sometimes i like to draw kangaroos..
• Vote for this Quote! • July 3rd, 2007 Kelso: Ahh, new Janitor uniforms, top priority! Right up there with silk jammies for the patients and a cat door for the ICU.
Janitor: I made some sketches.
Kelso: This one has a cape?!?
Janitor: That gives me the option of fighting crime. After work, of course. And this one, it's got sort of a medieval thing going.
Kelso: Is he on a horse?
Janitor: It's a steed sir.
Janitor: Forks, Fran, forks.
J.D.: Are forks where the big money is?
Janitor: Forks and ladles.
