The Janitor Quotes (Page 2)
Dr. Cox: I can’t believe Kelso really asked my opinion, y’know?
Janitor: If I wanted to listen to someone yap on about their problems, I’d be at my AA meeting.
Dr. Cox: It just so happens that this was the only empty seat in the whole joint. Besides, as a fellow abusive drinker you are duty bound by bar stool protocol to listen to every last word that comes out of my mouth.
Janitor: [beat] Proceed.
Doug: [to the Janitor who is using a German persona] Hey Klaus, in your country, how come Hamburg and Frankfurt have nothing to do with hamburgers or hot dogs?
Janitor: [Fake German accent] Why is your Lake Titicaca not filled with boobs and poop?
J.D.: [to the Janitor] You're an actor!
Janitor: You're a fireman! What are we doing?
J.D.: What the hell?
Janitor: It's a riddle! Two guys destroyed your bike with a crowbar and a bat! One of them wasn't me!
J.D.: Look, I'm sorry I was such a jerk yesterday, okay? I mean, come on, look at this floor! You could practically eat off of it!
Janitor: Would you?
J.D.: Would I what?
Janitor: Would you eat off the floor?
[Janitor drops a piece of ham on the floor]
[J.D. leans down to eat it]
J.D.'s Narration: As I bent down to eat that peppered floor turkey, unaware that the cleanser the Janitor uses is an extremely potent diuretic, I realized something... the reason we're doctors is because we have an innate desire to help people.
[J.D. walks off]
Janitor: That was disgusting
Janitor: Hey, guys! Check out the personalized golf club cozy I found on the roof! [puppeting the cozy, with a Goliath voice] "Hi, Davey!"
J.D.: [under breath to Turk] You and your stupid Christmas present!
Janitor: Yeah.... Seems like one of the golf balls you hit went through the windshield of my van. No big deal, I just expect you to replace it, that's all.
J.D.: Wait, wait, wait. Your--your windshield's been broken for like a year!
Janitor: Yeah! Yeah, I know. Still.
Janitor: What's up?
J.D.: [voiceover] Be careful here. Don't give him anything.
J.D.: Nothing, What is up with you... Man.
Janitor: I always get this way in the fall, y'know. Summers gone, the days are shorter, just makes me feel so... what's the word...
J.D: Sad.
Janitor: Yes that's it. I'm a janitor so I couldn't think of the word sad. I was gonna say it makes me feel so mop!
J.D.: Let me explain, I--
Janitor: Go ahead I'm mopping.
J.D.: Maybe I shouldn't bother.
Janitor: Maybe you mopn't.
: I'm betting your ability to thrive under pressure is what drove you to medicine.
J.D.: (holding up mistletoe)Who put this up!?
Janitor: I did. I drove around the whole city before my 5 a.m. shift just...looking for that - trying to add a little cheer.
J.D.: I was just trying to -
Janitor: Oh, I know exactly what you're trying to do. But you will not ruin my Christmas. Not again. Not this year.
J.D.: But I've only worked here for three months.
Janitor: I'm gonna give you a nickname.
J.D.: That--that's good, but you know, I already--I have a nickname; it's... it's "J.D."
Janitor: How 'bout, uh...Whiny Face.... Whiny Britches! Whiny... something. I definitely like "whiny." Uh, Whiny Dancer!
Janitor: You know people die here.
J.D.: You're a good friend.
Janitor: Eh, I do what I can. Can I have your stuff?