Tobias Fünke Quotes
Tobias: [showing Maeby's birth pictures] And here you are coming out of your mother's third base!
• Rating 4.3 / 5 • Vote for this Quote! • August 15th, 2007 Tobias: I should call the Hot Cops and tell them to dress up as something more nautically themed. Hot sailors maybe. Or better yet, hot sea-
Michael: I like hot sailors.
Tobias: Mmmm, me too.
Tobias: Well, I am off to buy the perfect present. Maybe she’d [Maeby] like a suit like this.
Narrator: That is her suit.
Tobias: They probably don’t make it in a woman’s though.
Narrator: They only make it in a woman’s.
Tobias: You know Michael, if I may take off my acting pants for a moment, and pull my anal rapist stocking over my head, George Michael has been acting strange lately. I think he may have developed what we in the soft sciences refer to as Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder, or the O.C. Disorder.
Michael: Don't call it that.
Tobias: There's a new daddy in town. A discipline daddy.
• Rating 5.0 / 5 • Vote for this Quote! • August 15th, 2007 Tobias: Oh, come on. Don't leave your uncle T-bag hanging.
George Michael: Please don't call yourself that.
Narrator: Michael was worried. His mother may have been making sense, so he returned home to talk to Rita.
Tobias: Ah, here comes the bride. [points camera to Michael's genitals]
Michael: What are you doing in a wheelchair?
Tobias: No, no it's a dolly to help videotape your nuptials.
Michael: I don't think I need any footage of my nuptials. Tobias, are you sure that this dolly isn't related to your recent health problems?
Tobias: Okay, so my legs and my left arm occasionally go to sleep, and you wanna' call it a health problem.
Tobias: I will be a bigger and hairier mole than the one on your inner left thigh!
• Vote for this Quote! • August 15th, 2007 Tobias: I barely even know you! Who's Frank?
Frank: Well, I've been wanting to talk to you about that, but it's a little awkward.
Tobias: Oh, well, I've been wanting to have my own awkward talk as well.
Frank: I think we could be more than just gym buddies.
Tobias: You're blowing my mind, Frank.
Lindsay: How do you think I feel? Bob Loblaw’s a handsome, professional man and I’m only used to... well, none of those things.
Tobias: Okay, Lindsay, are you forgetting that I was a professional twice over — an analyst and a therapist. The world’s first analrapist.
Lindsay: Yes, and you were almost arrested for those business cards.
