Tobias Fünke Quotes (Page 2)
Tobias: Oh, I can just taste those meaty leading man parts in my mouth.
• Rating 5.0 / 5 • Vote for this Quote! • August 14th, 2007 Store Owner: Oh look who's back. Are you gonna buy this time or you just curious?
Tobias: I suppose I'm buy-curious. I have a big T.V. opportunity.
Store Owner: This is where all the big T.V's come.
Tobias: Well, I see you wasted no time in filling my seat-hole.
• Rating 4.8 / 5 • Vote for this Quote! • August 13th, 2007 Tobias: Hello, young lady. I haven’t seen you in a week.
Maeby: Oh, right. That means Mrs. Featherbottom isn’t here. Which means she didn’t iron my blouse, which means, I don’t have anything to wear for my premiere. The premier. Of Canada. He’s going out with my gym teacher.
Tobias (as Mrs. Featherbottom): Okay, who’d like a banger in the mouth? Oh, right. I forgot. Here in the States, you call it a sausage in the mouth.
Michael: We just call it a sausage.
Tobias: Or it could be your colon. I’d want to get in there and find some answers.
• Vote for this Quote! • August 13th, 2007 Tobias: Although, if I may, let me take off my assistant’s skirt and put on my Barbra Streisand in The Prince of Tides ass-masking therapist pantsuit.
Michael: What?
Tobias: It’s a little late for talk, Lindsay. I’m a man of action now. You don’t need the calories. [Whispering] This isn’t working.
Lindsay: Is it my imagination, or is he more commanding and-and mannish? It’s, like, I don’t know, maybe I do want to be with him.
Maeby: Then you should go to him. For as it is written, you shall be with whom you have formed a more perfect union with under God.
Lindsay: She's right.
Maeby: [Whispering] This isn't working.
Michael: Where's your child?
Tobias and Lindsay: We don't have a child, Michael. [laughing]
Lindsay: [long pause] Oh... did you mean Maeby?
Michael: I did mean Maeby.
Tobias: You know, mother Lucille, there's a psychological concept known as denial that I believe you're evincing. It's when a thought is so hateful that the mind literally rejects it.
Lucille: You are a worse psychiatrist than you are a son-in-law, and you will never get work as an actor because you have no talent.
Tobias: Well if she's not going to say anything, I certainly can't help her.