Tobias Fünke Quotes (Page 3)
Tobias: Oh, a pregnancy test. There’s something we never had, huh, Lindsay? Oh, no... we had to create our little Frankenstein monster out of science and money and just a dash of ... Maeby, how long have you been standing there?
Maeby: I just walked in.
Tobias: [laughs] Seems like only yesterday you were bursting forth from your mother’s fertile womb.
Tobias: You know, Michael, perhaps I should buy YOU that tape recorder. Do you have any idea how often you say the word afraid?
Michael: Well, I... I know I used it in the Jacuzzi.
Tobias: And I apologize for that. I thought it was a pool toy.
Tobias: Well, Michael, you really are quite the Cupid, aren’t you? I tell you, you can zing your arrow into my buttocks any time.
Michael: Okay, you know what you do? You buy yourself a tape recorder, you just record yourself for a whole day. I think you’re going to be surprised at some of your phrasing.
Tobias: Oh. Can you imagine how jealous that would make her? “Where’s Tobias?” “Oh, he’s just sharing a romantic horseback ride with Michael Bluth, and they’re dipping each other in...” Oh, you didn’t get any body chocolate?
• Vote for this Quote! • August 9th, 2007 Tobias: Well, yes, but I’m afraid I prematurely shot my wad on what was supposed to be a dry run, if you will, so now I’m afraid I have something of a mess on my hands.
Michael: It's just there's so many poorly chosen words in that sentence.
Tobias: My wife is humiliated. This is my chance to right the small wrong that I did.
Michael: You shot her in the ass with about four ounces of horse tranquilizer.
Tobias: I haven’t been the perfect husband ... yes, I admit that. But now is my chance to be a hero.
Tobias: All right, fellas, look, I know you know nothing but a life on the street. But I’d like to offer you something that the Queen Mary gave me. The joy of the stage. So, maybe you could, uh, start jeté-ing, and stop... je-terrorizing me.
• Vote for this Quote! • August 9th, 2007Tobias: My schedule is as open as my relationship with my wife.
• Vote for this Quote! • August 9th, 2007 Tobias: Besides, don't you have school?
Maeby: No, um, today is Help-Your-Dad-Follow-His-Dream Day.
Lindsay: No, no you have to go, so when men find out we’re in an open relationship, they’ll see you’re no threat. People hear the name Tobias, they think — big black guy.
Tobias: Well, obviously, I’m not a big guy. I’m not a Carl Weathers, par example.
