Tobias Fünke Quotes (Page 4)
Tobias: Well, the Blue Man Group might need me, and I do deserve a fancy phone.
Narrator: They didn’t, and he doesn’t.
Tobias: I just found out that my cellular telephone was a lemon. It didn’t work.
Lindsay: Coincidentally, neither do you.
Michael: Pretty brave card for you to play.
Tobias: Here he comes. Here comes John Wayne. “I’m not going to cry about my Pa. I’m going to build an airport - put my name on it.” Why, Michael? So you can fly away from your feelings? You can keep them bottled up, Michael, but they will come out sometimes in the most unexpected... Hey, where the [bleep] are my hard boiled eggs!?!?!
• Rating 5.0 / 5 • Vote for this Quote! • August 8th, 2007Tobias: [to Michael] First of all, we're doing this for her because neither of us wants to get divorced. Second-of-ly, I know you're the big marriage expert. Oh I'm sorry, I forgot, your wife is dead. I'm sorry, that was 100 percent inappropriate, and I do apologize profusely.
• Rating 5.0 / 5 • Vote for this Quote! • August 8th, 2007 Tobias: You know, Lindsay, as a therapist, I have advised a number of couples to explore an open relationship where the couple remains emotionally committed, but free to explore extra-marital encounters.
Lindsay: Well, did it work for those people?
Tobias: No, it never does. I mean, these people somehow delude themselves into thinking it might, but.... it might work for us.
Tobias: Oh, no, no. I’m not in the group yet. No, I’m afraid I just blue myself.
Michael: There's got to be a better way to say that.
Tobias: For there's a man inside me, and only when he's finally out, can I walk free of pain.
• Rating 5.0 / 5 • Vote for this Quote! • August 7th, 2007 Tobias: I was walking down a strange place today, a place I've never set foot in before.
Narrator: Tobias, walking down a street he'd been down many times, saw a book he'd written years earlier as a psychiatrist ["The Man Inside Me"]. The book, while initially unsuccessful, had suddenly caught fire ... although strangely, only in the gay community.
Patient: There's like this longing ... this pull. I mean, does that make me, you know, like, some kind of ... ?
Young Maeby: Homosexual.
Tobias: Maeby, please. She's right, though, you probably are a homosexual.
Tobias: I must warn you, Michael, she doesn't respond well to strict directives.
Maeby: All right.
Tobias: That was odd.
Michael: Not really. Kids love boundaries. I mean, look at these girls. [about "Girls with Low Self-Esteem"] Is this what you want?
Tobias: Oh, God, no.
Michael: This could be where your daughter is headed.
Tobias: Oh, no, no, I don't want this for Maeby either.
