Tobias Fünke Quotes (Page 5)
[watching Girls with Low Self-Esteem video]
Gob: Oh, here it is. Here it is.
Announcer: It was a wild time on the beach, and if you like magic, look away. The only thing this guy could make fly away was the crowd.
Tobias: Douche, chill!
Tobias: Well, I've always wanted to remake Annie Hall. Except, I wouldn't want to get in bed with a green producer like a Sofia Coppola, though. Oh, but give me an old pro like a Robert Redford. Oh, I'd jump into bed with him in a second. And I wouldn't just lie there, Michael Bluth, if that's what you're thinking.
Michael: Actually, that time, that was what I was thinking.
Tobias: I just need to prove to my wife that I can act like a man. And it's not about sex. I don't just lie there, if that's what you're thinking.
Michael: That's not what I was thinking.
Tobias: As you may or may not know, Lindsay and I have hit a bit of a rough patch.
Michael: Really? When did that start?
Tobias: Well, I don't want to blame it all on 9/11, but it certainly didn't help.
Tobias: This family is not about to start using. We are pushers, not takers.
• Vote for this Quote! • August 7th, 2007 Lindsay: This is ridiculous. Why do we even have to do this?
Tobias: We are doing this to keep our family together.
Lindsay: No, I'm serious. Look at us. We're dressed like we're in the 60s. It's the 21st century, you should be dressing like it's the 80s.
Tobias: Lindsay, say something to scare me.
Lindsay: [bleep] me!
Tobias: Nope, nothing. Thanks for trying, though.
Tobias: Alright, let's discuss this bunking situation.
White Power Bill: You're gonna be sleepin' under me for a while!
George Sr.: [to Tobias] I sold you for a pack of cigarettes.
Lindsay: I'm saying every time something starts to go well for you, you blow it.
Tobias: Nothing has ever gone well for me and you know it!
Lindsay: That's my point, you... [sees Maeby] ... handsome cowboy, you.
Tobias: Oh, great. And now you're mocking me. You selfish cun.. [sees Maeby] ...ntry-music-loving lady.
Tobias: When a man needs to prove to a woman that he's actually... When a man loves a woman, and he actually wants to make love, um, to her, something very, very special happens. And with deep, deep concentration and great focus he is often able to achieve an erec...
George Michael: I'm sorry, I'm going to stop you here. I didn't mean babies in general.
Tobias: Oh good, 'cause it was about to get a little - eww... gross.