Tom Tucker Quotes
Tom Tucker: Some new developments in the Flight 209 drama. Recently discharged pilot, Captain Glenn Quagmire, is apparently talking the plane down. Ollie Williams has the story. Ollie?
Ollie Williams: I'M AT THE WRONG AIRPORT!
Tom Tucker: Oops. Well, thanks, Ollie.
Tom Tucker: Fortunately, no one was injured. However, using state-of-the-art Channel 5 computer technology, we'll show you how disasterous it could have been. Here's how it would've looked if the plane had crashed into a school!
• Vote for this Quote! • July 25th, 2007 Tom Tucker: Now let's go to Ollie Williams' Cooking Corner. What are you making, Ollie?
Ollie Williams: Eggo!
Tom Tucker: Thanks, Ollie. And now this...
Tom Tucker: In local news, a sexy new trend has emerged at James Woods High.
Diane Simmons: That's right, Tom. It appears that students have taken to having ear sex in lieu of traditional intercourse.
Tom Tucker: Over 200 reports of ear sex have been confirmed so far, prompting a new slogan: "Once you go black, you go deaf."
Tom Tucker: I heard you like milkshakes.
Peter Griffin: Oh, boy, do I!
Tom Tucker: Let's go get ourselves a shake, huh?
Peter Griffin: Yeah!
Chris Griffin: I want to get a milk shake too!
Peter Griffin: Too bad - go get your own father.
Diane Simmons: Now let's go to Ollie Williams with the Adopt-a-Pet of the Week.
Ollie Williams: WHO WANTS THIS DOG?!
Diane Simmons: Thanks, Ollie. And now, let's go to Peter Griffin with "You Know What Really Grinds My--" Tom, what are you doing? You don't work here anymore.
Tom Tucker: Well, Diane, I have an exclusive story... and I can't figure out how to check my e-mail from home.
Ollie Williams: DID YOU CHECK YOUR TCP/IP SETTINGS?
Tom Tucker: Yes, I did, Ollie.
Ollie Williams: ENABLE COOKIES?
Tom Tucker: Yes, Ollie.
Ollie Williams: YOU WANT THIS DOG?
Tom Tucker: No, thank you, Ollie.
Brian Griffin [to drunken Stewie]: Uh, alright. Time for your nap. Don't worry Lois, I'll take him. Let's go.
Stewie Griffin [drunkenly]: God, what-why you-what the hell? Why are y-you drag-why are we in here? It's, uh, rude to the... other people.
Brian Griffin: You're drunk.
Stewie Griffin: You're sexy!
Brian Griffin: Listen, you have to stop this. Alright? No more drinking! I'm sorry I even put it in your head.
Stewie Griffin: I don't know-I don't even know what you're problem is. I've never felt better. [vomits on Brian] Okay, now I've never felt better.
Peter Griffin: You know what really grinds my gears? This Lindsay Lohan. Huh? Lindsay Lohan with all those little outfits, jumping around there on stage, half-naked with-with your little outfits. Y'know? You're u-you're up there jumping around, and I'm just sitting here with my beer. So... y'know, what am I supposed to do? What do-what do-what do you want? Y'know, are we gonna go out? Is that what you're trying to-- why-why you're leaping around there, throwing those things all up in, over there on my face? Huh? What do you want, Lindsay? Tell me what you want! Well, I'll tell you what you want. You want nothin'. You want nothin'! All right? Because we all know that no woman anywhere wants to have sex with anyone, and-and to titillate us with any thoughts otherwise is, i-is-is-is just bogus.
• Rating 5.0 / 5 • Vote for this Quote! • July 19th, 2007Stewie Griffin: Hell? Oh that's a bit much, don't you think? I mean, sure, I've spent my entire life trying to kill my mother, but who hasn't?
• Vote for this Quote! • July 19th, 2007 Brian Griffin: Come on, what are you doing in there?
Stewie Griffin: I'm brushing my teeth!
Brian Griffin: Come on, you only have like two of 'em, how long can it take?
[walks in on Stewie shaving his body hair]
Brian Griffin: Oh, uh, you... doin' a little hair removal there?
Stewie Griffin: Oh, uh, yeah. Um...you know, feel free to say "no" to this but, uh... would you shave my coin purse?
Brian Griffin: Oh... Oh, no! No way, man! Oh! H-Holy freaking God! Oh! [leaves]
Stewie Griffin: Huh. Don't have to be so uptight about it.
