Waylon Smithers Quotes (Page 2)
Burns: And to think, Smithers, you laughed when I bought Ticketmaster. [imitating Smithers] Nobody's going to pay a hundred-percent "service charge."
Smithers: It's a policy that ensures a healthy mix of the rich and the ignorant, sir.
Smithers: Sir, I am sorry that I shot your leg.
Jasper: You shot who in the what now?
Burns: Yes, by cutting off cable TV and the beer supply, I can ensure an honest winter's work out of those low-lives.
Smithers: Sir, did you ever stop to think that [closes car trunk] maybe it was doing this that caused the previous caretakers to go insane and murder their families?
Burns: Hmm...perhaps. Tell you what: we come back and everyone's slaughtered, I owe you a Coke.
Mr. Burns: They're all covered with filthy germs, aren't they, Smithers?
Mr. Smithers: Why, what do you mean, sir?
(camera zooms in on Smithers' face)
Germs on Smithers' face: Freemasons run the country!
Burns: [welcoming the Simpsons via intercom] Welcome! Please come in....[sinisterly] Ah, fresh victims for my ever growing army of the undead.
Smithers: Sir, you have to let go of the button.
Burns: [angrily] Oh, son of a bit- [turns the intercom off]
Burns: [watching Homer and Devil Flanders on a monitor] Hmmm... who's that goat-legged fellow? I like the cut of his jib.
Smithers: Er, Prince of Darkness, sir. He's your eleven o'clock.
Worker 1: " Excuse me, We wanted to see the geek who valued the happniness of his children more than money.
Homer: Right here...
Worker 2: Aw, You said His head was the size of a baseball.
Homer: Ugh, My life can't get any worse..
Smithers: (Over intercom) Homer Simpson, report for much worse duties.
Homer: do'h!!!
Smithers: Look at all the wonderful things you have, Mr. Burns: King Arthur's Excalibur, the only existing nude photo of Mark Twain, and that rare first draft of the Constitution with the word "suckers" in it.
Burns: Yes, yes, yes. So what!
Smithers: You want your bear, Bobo, don't you?
Burns: Liar! I'll give you the thrashing of a lifetime! [flails his arms in weak attempt to hit Smithers] Resistance is futile!
Mr. Burns: [as a disembodied head in a robot] Bobo, I know I say this every century, but I'll never leave you behind again.
Smithers: [as a disembodied head in a dog-shaped robot] Wait for me, sir! [starts following him and barks]
Burns: Remember, your job and the future of your family hinges on your successful completion of Nuclear Physics 101. Oh, and one more thing: (ominously) You must find the jade monkey before the next full moon.
Smithers: Actually, Sir, we found the jade monkey. It was in your glove compartment.
Burns: And the road maps? And ice scraper?
Smithers: They were in there too, sir.
Burns: Excellent! It's all falling into place.