Quotes (Page 2)
[after leg surgery, Joe and Bonnie are having sex]
Joe Swanson: YEAH! YEAH! YEAH! GET SOME! GET SOME! YEAH! SEX! SEX!! SEX!!!
Joe Swanson:Sometimes I feel more useless than the head of the Maid's Union.
[cut away to a maid sitting at the stand in court]
Attorney: And what exactly are your demands?
Maid: We need more Lemon Pledge
Attorney: You need more Lemon Pledge?
Maid: Yes.
Attorney: We're not responsible for that. You should just bring it from your own home.
Maid: Nooooo...
Bonnie Swanson: Boy, they [the Quahog Men's Club] sure are making a lot of noise out there.
Lois Griffin: Those idiots have done nothing but hang out in that stupid shed for the last two days!
Bernice: We should crash that party!
Lois Griffin: Hey, you know what, Bernice is right! They're always trying to get away from us! We should march in there and remind them that they have wives.
Muriel Goldman: Especially if they have food, because bar food is so overpriced.
Bernice: Man, who invited Anne Frank
Stewie Griffin: So, uh... you got the wool cap on, huh? Yeah. Yeah, I guess, you know, whatever, it's uh... 96 degrees out, you know. Better-better put on the old wool cap. Yeah. Got a lot, uh, going on under there, huh? Under, under the wool cap? Thinkin' 'bout your sideburns? Yeah. No, no, no. You're not a complete jackass. Yeah. Oh, hey, nice T-shirt. "PHRESH". And-and it's spelled with a "PH". Oh, that's fun 'cause it's usually spelled with an "F". Yeah. Oh, and you got a little tear in your pants there-- oh, that's on purpose, though, isn't it? Yeah. Yeah, you're a bad boy. You're a bad boy. Society wants your pants to be intact. But you're not just gonna listen, are you? My God, this is ridiculous. I'm sorry, I'm gonna have to kill you.
• Rating 5.0 / 5 • Vote for this Quote! • November, 6th 2007 Cleveland Brown: What's the guy from Earl's credit rating?
Peter Griffin: 651.
Cleveland Brown: That's not bad.
Joe Swanson: Better than mine.
Cleveland Brown: Does he have an idea, or do I have to come up with it myself?
Peter Griffin: He's got an idea, but it's not quite there.
Glenn Quagmire: I'd have to give it to Janet Reno, 'cause I've always had this business plan for home delivery of prescription medications, and that ... that seems like it's more her market.
Joe Swanson: This is stupid! I WANT TO TALK ABOUT VAGINAS!
Glenn Quagmire: Would you have sex with Cleveland if it meant you could have sex with Angelina Jolie?
Peter Griffin: Uh... yeah, yeah, I'd probably do it.
Glenn Quagmire: Hang on, hang on... Missionary, and you have to look him in the eye. No closing your eyes and pretending it's somebody else. [Cleveland looks at Peter]
Peter Griffin: [pause] I think still yes.
Cleveland Brown: Thank you, Peter.
Glenn Quagmire: All right, here's another one. Who would you rather have sex with: a very pregnant Gina Gershon or Jenny McCarthy after a car accident?
Peter Griffin: W-wait, h-hang on, hang on. Look, you know-you know, I-I know this is a men's club, but why does it always have to be about sex? Like, okay, look-- h-how about this? How about this? Who would you rather start a small business with: Janet Reno after a safari, or the fat guy from My Name Is Earl?
Glenn Quagmire: That still sounds like a sex question.
Peter Griffin: It is not.
Joe Swanson: Peter? Peter?
Peter Griffin: Oh, sorry, Joe. I, uh, just had one of my Scrubs fantasy moments.
Glenn Quagmire: It's the best show you're not watching!
Cleveland Brown: I hate shows that cut away from the story for some bull crap.
[cutaway to Adolf Hitler on a unicycle juggling fish]
Lois Griffin: Hey, and look on the bright side. Maybe you've got another chapter for your [bursts out laughing] book! [the rest of the family joins in]
Brian Griffin: Oh yeah, pile it on! Pile it on!
Chris Griffin: Welcome home, asshole!
Meg Griffin: What am I wearing? Um... a hat, and... glasses? [pause] What kind of underwear? Um... I don't know... big underwear, i guess. I'm sorry, what? Oh. What would I do to you? Well, um... I guess, maybe we could get pizza, and... we could watch House?
[cut to Peter in the bedroom, on the phone]
Peter Griffin: All right, I am totally flaccid, but thank you anyway, ma'am. I appreciate your time.
Lois Griffin: So, Meg, any luck finding another job?
Meg Griffin: No. Hardly anybody's hiring right now. The only job I could find was for a phone sex line, and I sucked at it.