30 Rock Quotes (Page 13)
Tracy: I could talk about how the moon is a spy satellite put there by Oprah and Minister Farrakhan, and not the Minister Farrakhan you are thinking of.
• Vote for this Quote! • July 12th, 2007 Tracy: I have to be charming on Conan tonight. This is my chance to redeem myself with mainstream America.
Toofer: Okay, well. Just tell us some things about your life, and we’ll try to punch it up and make it talk show-worthy.
Pete: Maybe something about you and your wife.
Tracy: Me and my wife like to play rape. She go in the bathroom and do her hair. Then, I’ll put on a ski mask…
Frank: Hey, uh, you got anything about being a dad? People eat that garbage up.
Tracy: I like to walk around my house naked, to remind my oldest son who’s still got the biggest ding-dong.
Pete: No
Tracy: Or I could tell the story of how I met Sharon Stone.
Pete: What was that?
Tracy: I was pooping in the ladies’ room at The Ivy…
Pete: No.
Jack: Conan, Tracy’s really excited to be back on your show.
Conan: I don’t know. He’s kind of a loose cannon, and I like to surround myself with people who don’t try to stab me.
Jack: Well, Tracy’s feeling a lot better now. He’s under a doctor’s care.
Conan: That’s what they said about Hasselhoff, then he tried to make out with me during a commercial break.
Jack: Conan, this is important to me. So, we can either do this the easy way or the hard way.
Conan: What’s the hard way?
Jack: You do a live Christmas Eve special from Kabul every year until the War on Terror is won.
Conan: Tell Tracy I’ll see him tonight, you black Irish bastard.
Jack: Back at you, red.
Liz: Why did you bump Jenna from Conan?
Jack: Because if I have a choice between an international movie star and a woman who does commercials for ShopRite…
Liz: No, no, no. Jenna doesn’t do those commercials anymore. She got fired
Jack: I don’t do these things just to drive you crazy, Lemon. I do them for the good of the show.
Liz: Well, I’m the one who always has to clean up the mess afterwards.
Jack: That’s why my job is way better than yours.
Tracy: I am a stabbing robot.
• Rating 5.0 / 5 • Vote for this Quote! • July 12th, 2007 Dennis: Look at this ski jumping idiot Bode Miller. What kind of a fruity name is Bode?
Liz: That cereal has the Olympics on it? It must be, like, eight months old.
Dennis: When you and me have kids we're going to give them good names like "Shannon" or "Rick."
Liz: When we what?
Dennis: When we have kids, Dummy.
Liz: Why is there hair everywhere? Did you shave in the kitchen?
Dennis: The water in here is softer.
Jack: So, how did it go.
Liz: He moved in with me.
Jack: Well, of course he did.
Jack: Lemon, today is the first day of the rest of your life; and what is the first thing you need to do?
Liz: I have to break up with Dennis.
Jack: And if you don't break up with him now?
Liz: He'll just keep showing up at work to sell beepers; we'll just get more and more tangled up in each other's lifes 'till I can't even get away and we're just like... Oh, my God!
Jack: That's right! He's the Rat King. And there's only one way to break up with a rat, you have to cut him off completely
Liz: I know.
Jack: You have to stuff your heart with steel wool and tin foil. You must be ruthless, you must be absolute. Remember always you are the exterminator, say it!
Liz: I am the exterminator!
Jack: Say it like you mean it!
Liz: [louder] I am the exterminator!
Jack: Louder!
Liz: [shouts] I am the exterminator!
Jack: Okay, not that loud. People are trying to work around here.
Liz: Okay, very funny. You bought a pager from Dennis. Will you take it off now, please?
Jack: Oh, I can't. I'm expecting a call from 1983.
