Desperate Housewives Quotes (Page 13)
Bree: "I think you’d love the opera. The music and the voices, it's just all so passionate."
Peter: "Yeah, three hundred pound soprano seducing balding tenors. That’d be hot!"
Mary Alice: "Karl Mayer didn’t pray often, but when he did, it was usually to ask for God’s help in breaking up with a woman. And to spare him the nasty drama that usually accompanied such callous and unexpected departures. Over the years Karl had dumped dozens of women. And not one of them had seen it coming. Every retreat was always meticulously planned right down to the personalized stationary. Hence, his record of successful getaways from women who did not want to see him go. So when he decided to break up with Edie Britt, Karl prayed to God yet again to help him avoid all the unnecessary drama. Unfortunately for Karl, God was in the mood to be entertained. As he sat there, Karl couldn’t help but wonder why God had forsaken him. It never occurred to him that God might be a woman."
• Vote for this Quote! • August 21st, 2007Louisa: "Yesterday afternoon, Parker offered a cookie to Cindy Lou Peeples if she would show him her vagina."
Lynette: "What kind of cookie?"
Louisa: "What does that matter?"
Lynette: "Oh, it doesn’t. I’m just stalling because I am completely mortified."
Judge Grimshaw: "In the meantime, try not to steal any more babies."
Gabrielle: "Oh, we just needed the one."
Felicia: "Paul? I was making cookies and I heard the most sickening thud. Are you okay?"
Paul: "There’s shortening on my doorstep."
Felicia: "Shortening? That’s the last thing you’d want on your front porch. It’s meant for baking."
Carlos: "You wanna be a better mother? Do what my mama did... make sacrifices. My mama worked her fingers to the bone for me."
Gabrielle: "That’s what put her in an early grave. Well, that and the hit and run thing."
Andrew: "Well, could you live with a woman who hits you?"
Eleanor: "Bree!"
Bree: "I slapped him once and he deserved it."
Andrew: "I just asked her to stop drinking."
Henry: "You were drinking?"
Eleanor: "She’s in A.A. Her sponsor has long hair."
Bree: "Andrew, I find your concern ironic given how tanked you were when you ran over our neighbor’s mother with your car!"
Eleanor: "Is she okay?"
Bree: "She’s dead!"
Andrew: "Well, mom watched as her boyfriend committed suicide. And he was the same guy who killed dad!"
Bree: "Andrew falsely accused me of molestation. In a mall!"
Mrs. McCluskey: "Apparently, Parker wanted to put a sunflower seed inside me and see if a baby would grow. Where do kids get this stuff?"
Lynette: "Oh, that was me. He was asking about the birds and the bees and I fudged a few of the details. Well, he's only seven years old. I don't think he needs to know everything yet. I don't wanna rob him of his innocence."
Mrs. McCluskey: "Well, now, that's where you're wrong. You get 'em when they're young. Give 'em all the gory details. And then when they're good and disgusted, you shame 'em."
Mary Alice: "We've all done something in our lives we're ashamed of. Some of us have fallen for the wrong man. Some have let go of the right woman. There are those who have humiliated their parents and those who have failed their children. Yes, we've all made mistakes that diminish us and those we love. But there is redemption if we try to learn from those mistakes and grow."
• Vote for this Quote! • August 21st, 2007Peter: "Sex is as much an addiction for me as booze. That's why when you turn me on like that it's a bit of a problem."
Bree: "It was just a peck on the cheek."
Peter: "It doesn't matter. The slightest touch gets my juices flowing."
Bree: "So how long has it been since you—"
Peter: "A year. They have this rule: plant, pet, person. If I can keep a plant alive, you know, then I can move on to a pet. And if I can make that work, then I can start dating again."
Bree: "So, how are you doing?"
Peter: "I'm on my fourth ficus."
Bree: "Oh."
