Everybody Hates Chris Quotes (Page 11)
Maxine: Rochelle, can't you make a decent glass of iced tea?
Chris: Well, can't you leave her alone? It's iced tea! If you're thirsty, well then, you drink it! If you're not, don't!
Narrator: I would be joining my grandfather sooner than I expected.
Maxine: Are you gonna sit there and let that boy talk to me like that? [to Chris] Boy, don't you know I'll knock you into another family?
[Chris is sitting on a sofa with a white family]
White Mom: Who are you?
Chris: You don't wanna know.
Gene: Knock-knock.
Chris: Who's there?
Gene: [feeling pain] Oh Lorrrrrdy.
Chris: Oh Lorrrrrdy who? [everyone laughs]
Gene: I'm dyin'.
Rochelle: I'm dyin' who?
Gene: I'm... havin'... a... heart... [dies]
Tonya: You're havin' a heart who?
Rochelle: Daddy? [silence] Daddy? [suspicious] Daddy?
Narrator: I never did find out who was there.
Gene: Knock-knock.
Chris: Who's there?
Gene: Pass me them porkchops.
Drew: Pass me them porkchops who?
Gene: No! Pass me them porkchops right there!
Greg: You're definitely not in there.
Tonya: Bye Chris. Don't tell any lies when you get to heaven.
Caruso: Rest in peace, Toby.
Drew: Hey Chris, can I borrow your comic books?
Julius: That's a $2 pair underwear you're messin' in.
Julius: My foot's lookin' better, don't you think?
Rochelle: Why are you talking about your foot? Your son has no conscience. In there eatin' pancakes like he actually got an A.
Julius: If you didn't want him to have pancakes, what you give 'em to him for?
Rochelle: For him to feel guilty and confess. But that's OK. Tomorrow I got something for him.
Julius: Baby, let's talk about this. C'mon.
Rochelle: Oh, so now you wanna talk to me? Why don't you just talk to your friends since you talk to them all the time?
Julius: Rochelle, those are your friends! We were just talkin' about the soaps! Are you jealous?
Rochelle: Hell yeah! Damn skippy! How would you feel if you came home and I was sittin' there talkin' to a bunch of your friends about football?
Julius: You like football?
Rochelle: No, I don't like football! Julius, you always wanna talk to me about bills or the kids. I just think it would be nice to talk about something else, for a change.
Julius: You wanna talk about the gout?
Rochelle: NO! I don't wanna talk about the gout!
Narrator: Next to dealin' drugs, gettin' bad grades was the worst thing you could do. It was worse than this.
Rochelle: Tonya, what happened?
Tonya (Age 30): Momma, I had to smoke that fool.
Rochelle: No, not him! I'm talkin' about this D you got in algebra!
Narrator: And worse than this...
Rochelle: Drew! Where is that boy?! What the hell is wrong with you?
Teenage Drew: I'm followin' my dream, momma. I'm gonna be a country and western singer.
Rochelle: I'm not talkin' about that! I'm talkin' about this F! Now get your Johnny Cashless ass upstairs and study! Do you think I'm playin' with you? And where you get that guitar from? You better not be sellin' no damn drugs in my house!
Rochelle: Don't come home stupid.
Chris, Drew and Tonya: We won't!
Narrator: In Bed-Stuy, a lot of people have reputations for different things. Deidre Garfield was 23 and had a reputation for being the youngest grandmother in Brooklyn. Mr. Jackson had a reputation for being crazy as hell, but a lot of people say he invented homelessness. I had a reputation, too: not only for being a nerd or getting beat up every day, I was also known for being the best Asteroids player in Bed-Stuy.
• Vote for this Quote! • October 1st, 2007 Tonya: Momma, can we have our candy back?
Rochelle: No. I ate it. Don't need you all getting any more cavities which you all got. No cavities in this house.
Narrator: But at this rate, there'll be plenty of diabetes.
Caruso: Roses are red, violets are blue, you stink like a monkey and look like one, too.
Narrator: So much for "love in the air."