A Very Special Family Guy Freakin' Christmas Quotes
Stewie Griffin: Good evening. I am playing the role of Jesus, a man once portrayed on the big screen by Jeffrey Hunter. You may remember him as the actor who was replaced by William Shatner on Star Trek. Apparently Mr. Hunter was good enough to die for our sins, but not quite up to the task of seducing green women.
• Vote for this Quote! • July 9th, 2007Peter Griffin: As we all know, Christmas is that magical time of year when the ghost of Jesus rises from the grave to feed on the flesh of the living, so we all sing Christmas carols to lull Him back to sleep.
• Rating 5.0 / 5 • Vote for this Quote! • July 9th, 2007Lois Griffin: Wish? It's easy to wish, but does anyone take the responsibility and make it happen? No! You expect someone else to do it for you, like Santy Claus or Mommy!
• Rating 5.0 / 5 • Vote for this Quote! • July 9th, 2007Lois Griffin: Shut your fat mouth! You all think Christmas just happens. You think all this goodwill just falls from the freakin' sky, WELL IT DOESN'T! IT FALLS FROM MY HOLLY JOLLY BUTT! So you can cook your own damn turkey, wrap your own damn presents, and hey, while you're at it YOU CAN ALL RIDE A ONE HORSE OPEN SLEIGH TO HELL! AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!
• Vote for this Quote! • July 9th, 2007 Peter Griffin: What the hell did you do?
Brian Griffin: Me? Who the hell buys a novelty fire extinguisher?!
Peter Griffin: I'll tell you who. Someone who cares enough about physical comedy to put his family at serious risk.
Peter Griffin [after attack by fish]: The fish were jumping all over my eyes and in my nose and... and on the way out I think one of them muttered something anti-Semitic.
• Vote for this Quote! • July 9th, 2007 Peter Griffin: Hey, I was watchin' that! Hey!
Store Clerk: It'll be on next Chrismas.
Peter Griffin: Well, who the hell knows when that's gonna be?
Brian Griffin: You're really gonna take back donated gifts on Chrismas Eve?
Peter Griffin: Yep. Now, heres the plan: You enter through the air conditioning duct here. Now, there'll be an invisible laser grid three inches above the floor, so you'll have to compress your body to the size of an ordinary household sponge and slide underneath like some kind of weird amphibious dolphin.
Brian Griffin: ...Can I buy some pot from you?
Lois Griffin: Just one more thing.
Peter Griffin: Lois!
Lois Griffin: I need you to take the presents out of the trunk.
Brian Griffin: Aren't you going to do it?
Peter Griffin: It's already done. I dropped them all off at Toys for Toddlers last night.
Brian Griffin: All? Peter, only one gift was for charity, the rest were for the family.
Peter Griffin: No, the rest were from the family... weren't they? [pause] Aw, crap. Since when did they change the meaning of "for" to "from"?
Brian Griffin: I think they had a meeting about it last night.
Peter Griffin: Why wasn't I told?
Brian Griffin: They sent you a card, but it said "For Peter" on it, so you must've thought it was from you, so you didn't, uh... you know, it's just easier to call you stupid.
Glenn Quagmire: Hey, maybe we should set him up with another Lemon snow-cone, huh?
Peter Griffin: No thanks. The last one you gave me didn't taste like lemon at all. It tasted like... oh, you guys are such asses!
