Believe It or Not, Joe's Walking on Air Quotes
Peter Griffin: Boy, we, uh, really did a number on each other.
Joe Swanson: You know, I just wanna take this opportunity to apologize to you guys. I was acting like a first-class jackass. I... hope that you can forgive me.
Cleveland Brown: Oh, it's just good to have our old Joe back.
Peter Griffin: And once our injuries heal up, we'll all go for a nice, long walk.
Joe Swanson: ALL RIGHT! YEAH-- wait a minute!
Peter, Cleveland, and Quagmire: AHHH!
Bonnie Swanson: Oh, Joe, that was amazing!
Joe Swanson: I know. I was there.
Bonnie Swanson: My God, we haven't done it in so long, I'd forgotten how big you were.
Joe Swanson: I was gonna say the same thing to you.
[after leg surgery, Joe and Bonnie are having sex]
Joe Swanson: YEAH! YEAH! YEAH! GET SOME! GET SOME! YEAH! SEX! SEX!! SEX!!!
Joe Swanson:Sometimes I feel more useless than the head of the Maid's Union.
[cut away to a maid sitting at the stand in court]
Attorney: And what exactly are your demands?
Maid: We need more Lemon Pledge
Attorney: You need more Lemon Pledge?
Maid: Yes.
Attorney: We're not responsible for that. You should just bring it from your own home.
Maid: Nooooo...
Bonnie Swanson: Boy, they [the Quahog Men's Club] sure are making a lot of noise out there.
Lois Griffin: Those idiots have done nothing but hang out in that stupid shed for the last two days!
Bernice: We should crash that party!
Lois Griffin: Hey, you know what, Bernice is right! They're always trying to get away from us! We should march in there and remind them that they have wives.
Muriel Goldman: Especially if they have food, because bar food is so overpriced.
Bernice: Man, who invited Anne Frank
Stewie Griffin: So, uh... you got the wool cap on, huh? Yeah. Yeah, I guess, you know, whatever, it's uh... 96 degrees out, you know. Better-better put on the old wool cap. Yeah. Got a lot, uh, going on under there, huh? Under, under the wool cap? Thinkin' 'bout your sideburns? Yeah. No, no, no. You're not a complete jackass. Yeah. Oh, hey, nice T-shirt. "PHRESH". And-and it's spelled with a "PH". Oh, that's fun 'cause it's usually spelled with an "F". Yeah. Oh, and you got a little tear in your pants there-- oh, that's on purpose, though, isn't it? Yeah. Yeah, you're a bad boy. You're a bad boy. Society wants your pants to be intact. But you're not just gonna listen, are you? My God, this is ridiculous. I'm sorry, I'm gonna have to kill you.
• Rating 5.0 / 5 • Vote for this Quote! • November 6th, 2007 Cleveland Brown: What's the guy from Earl's credit rating?
Peter Griffin: 651.
Cleveland Brown: That's not bad.
Joe Swanson: Better than mine.
Cleveland Brown: Does he have an idea, or do I have to come up with it myself?
Peter Griffin: He's got an idea, but it's not quite there.
Glenn Quagmire: I'd have to give it to Janet Reno, 'cause I've always had this business plan for home delivery of prescription medications, and that ... that seems like it's more her market.
Joe Swanson: This is stupid! I WANT TO TALK ABOUT VAGINAS!
Glenn Quagmire: Would you have sex with Cleveland if it meant you could have sex with Angelina Jolie?
Peter Griffin: Uh... yeah, yeah, I'd probably do it.
Glenn Quagmire: Hang on, hang on... Missionary, and you have to look him in the eye. No closing your eyes and pretending it's somebody else. [Cleveland looks at Peter]
Peter Griffin: [pause] I think still yes.
Cleveland Brown: Thank you, Peter.
Glenn Quagmire: All right, here's another one. Who would you rather have sex with: a very pregnant Gina Gershon or Jenny McCarthy after a car accident?
Peter Griffin: W-wait, h-hang on, hang on. Look, you know-you know, I-I know this is a men's club, but why does it always have to be about sex? Like, okay, look-- h-how about this? How about this? Who would you rather start a small business with: Janet Reno after a safari, or the fat guy from My Name Is Earl?
Glenn Quagmire: That still sounds like a sex question.
Peter Griffin: It is not.
Joe Swanson: Peter? Peter?
Peter Griffin: Oh, sorry, Joe. I, uh, just had one of my Scrubs fantasy moments.
Glenn Quagmire: It's the best show you're not watching!
Cleveland Brown: I hate shows that cut away from the story for some bull crap.
[cutaway to Adolf Hitler on a unicycle juggling fish]
