Breaking Out Is Hard to Do Quotes
Lois Griffin: Joe, you're too heavy. I can't hang on!
Joe Swanson: Pretend I'm your child, Lois! [Lois starts to loosen her grip] NOT MEG! NOT MEG!
Asian Man: So, what exactly would you say qualifies you to be a sum wrestler?
Peter Griffin: Oh, are you kidding? I'm a born athlete. Just like Greg Louganis.
[cutaway to Peter sitting in a chair]
Peter Griffin [to the audience]: Hi, I'm Peter Griffin. You're probably asking yourself, "Which way are they gonna go? Are they gonna make a diving-board-head-injury joke? Are they gonna make an AIDS joke? Or, are they gonna make a joke about the fact that his last name sounds suspiciously like 'anus'?" Well, we're gonna take the high road and do a no-body-hair joke. Brian? [camera pans to show a hairless Brian in a Speedo ]
Brian Griffin: Hi, I'm Greg Louganis. I'm totally shaven.
Peter Griffin: Terrific. Terrific.
Peter Griffin: Well, then we're fugitives. But at least the family's back together.
Meg Griffin: I wonder where we're going.
Peter Griffin: [slaps Meg] Calm down!
Lois Griffin [in prison, to Peter]: I-I guess I was stealing, because I was so sick of the same old routine. I felt like I had a void in my life. Like there was a secret hole in me.
Glenn Quagmire [popping up in the background]: Oh, God!
Lois Griffin: And I was trying to fill that hole with all kinds of expensive objects and things.
Glenn Quagmire [dancing, clapping]: Oh, GOD!!
Lois Griffin: And I felt wonderful with all those things filling that hole.
Glenn Quagmire [spazzing out]: OH, GOOOOOOD!!!!!!
Lois Griffin: I did this to myself, so I'm just going to have to lay back and let the penal system teach me a lesson.
Glenn Quagmire: That one is also sexual.
Peter Griffin [visiting Lois in prison]: And the other night I had to do, uh... well, you know, that thing that you usually do for me every Thursday night.
• Vote for this Quote! • July 17th, 2007 Peter Griffin: Quagmire what are you doing here?
Glenn Quagmire: Oh, It's conjugal visit day, you know I love doing a woman in the can. OH! Giggity giggity giggity Goooo!
TV announcer: Who else but Quagmire!?
Voices: He's Quagmire, Quagmire! You never really know what he's gonna do next. He's Quagmire, Quagmire!
Glenn Quagmire: [Singing] Giggidy giggidy giggidy giggidy, let's have sex!
Stewie Griffin [wearing an over-filled diaper]: Peter! Peter! There's... there's so much doody in here! I-I can-I can't take it anymore! I haven't eaten in four days 'cause I... 'cause-'cause I... I just can't fit anymore in there. Help me!
• Vote for this Quote! • July 17th, 2007 Brian Griffin: You know, you really should talk to a therapist about this. I mean, it really helped Peter out when he became obsessed with that fantasy world of his.
[cut to Peter in a room eating an apple while under a blanket, reading a book. The screen then cuts to outside where he is riding on Falcor from The Neverending Story]
Peter Griffin: YEAH!
Falcor: Peter, you're a little too heavy, buddy!
Peter Griffin: YEAH!
Falcor: We're going down.
Peter Griffin: YEAH!
Brian Griffin: Uh, hey, uh, Bonnie, uh, listen, why don't you stop with the questions, huh? You're-you're ruining everyone's good time. Like Peter did when he used to entertain terminally-ill kids.
[cut to Peter in a hospital with four kids in beds]
Peter Griffin: Hi there, how 'yall doing? Alright, so I'm at the DMV the other day. Long lines, long lines at the DMV, but, uh, you'll all find out about that when you get ol-- [the kids stare at him]' Oh, uhh...um, moving on. So I finally tried Viagra, and-- [hears a kid moaning. Peter walks up to his bed] Oh, we got a joker in the audience there. You uh, you got something you wanna say there, uh, Mr. Heckler?
Kid: Dying hurts!
Peter Griffin: Tell me about it. Anyway, who hates flying?
Brian Griffin: Hey, is that ham? I thought you put that back.
Lois Griffin: Oh, um, no, I put the other ham back.
Brian Griffin: I don't remember another ham.
Lois Griffin: Heh. Well, you were too busy eyeballing that Redbook with Glenn Close on the cover.
Brian Griffin: Hey! She is a handsome woman.
Stewie Griffin: Well, well, look who's carrying a little flame for Glenn Close. What a surprise. Although, it's not the first time you've suprised me.
[cut away]
Brian Griffin: [wearing Lois' clothes] "Ooh, I have so much stuff to do today. I have to do laundry, then I have a piano lesson, then I have to make dinner; I'm so busy. Better hurry!"
Stewie Griffin: Lois! I want my graham cracker... oh.
