Brian Goes Back to College Quotes
Peter Griffin: You know, I thought I could help people with this whole A-Team thing, but it turns out I'm as useless as that nude Playboy spread of Debbie Gibson. It's like, "Yeah, she's naked, but who gives a s**t?"
• Vote for this Quote! • July 17th, 2007 Stewie Griffin: You know, the exam starts in three hours.
Brian Griffin: Oh, crap. All we did was work out.
Stewie Griffin: We should study.
Brian Griffin: Right.
Announcer: And now back to The Facts of Life.
Jo: Hey, Mrs. Garrett, can I ask you something?
Mrs. Garrett: What is it, Jo?
Jo: Is it a problem if your penis and your vagina touch each other?
Mrs. Garrett: Whaaaaat?
Jo: Well, I try to keep them separated, but, uh, I woke up this morning and they were sort of...together. I just didn't know...is that okay?
Mrs. Garrett: You have both?
Jo: Well, yeah. Doesn't everybody?
Mrs. Garrett: Nooooooooo!
[Peter shoots at the ceiling of the living room. Part of it falls down; Chris falls through it and onto the floor]
Chris Griffin: Hi, Dad!
Peter Griffin: Go to your room.
Chris Griffin: Okay!
[runs upstairs, falls through to the floor again]
Meg Griffin: That's where I go to make out with my boyfriend, Darren.... Mitchelstork. Yep, he's, uh, he's the... chairman... of the... soccer... ball team.
Lois Griffin: Well, all right. Make sure you practice safe sex, Meg! [laughs] You little LIAR!
Stewie Griffin: You know, I haven't taken a shower since we got here, I totally reek man, check this out... [Brian smells his underarms]
Brian Griffin: Ah! Come on!
Stewie Griffin: Tell me that's not epic!
Stewie Griffin: Oh no, did that hit "Crazy Stairs" !?
• Rating 5.0 / 5 • Vote for this Quote! • July 17th, 2007Stewie Griffin: He already has a roommate: me! We're a couple of crazy college kooks. For example, we're about to make a hilarious answering machine message. [Starts making message] Uh, you've reached Stewie and Brian. We're not here right now. Uh, and if this is Mom, uh, send money, because we're college students and we need money for books... and highlighters... and Ramen Noodles... and condoms for sexual relations with our classmates.
• Vote for this Quote! • July 17th, 2007 Brian Griffin: [in the bathroom at The New Yorker] Um, where are the toilets?
Editor: Oh, no one at The New Yorker has an anus.
Brian Griffin: They want me to contribute to The New Yorker.
Stewie Griffin: The New Yorker? Oh, you'll fit in there as well as I did at Woodstock.
[cutaway to Stewie at Woodstock]
Stewie Griffin: Uh, excuse me, it's been brought to my attention that a few bad apples out there are smoking marijuana. Uh, I've got news for you, my friend. Marijuana's illegal. Not cool. [audience starts booing] Alright then. [Begins singing, to the tune of America the Beautiful] Establishment, establishment, you always know what's best...
Man in audience: You suck!
Stewie Griffin: Learn the rules!
