Brian Sings and Swings Quotes
Performance Artist Bruce: I definitely need a breath freshener. Ooooh, but that's gonna give me 11 items.
Cashier: That's fine.
Performance Artist Bruce: No, no, no, rules is rules. Let's see what I'm gonna put back. OK, I need the Reynolds Wrap and the bathroom tissue. I could do without the Triscuits, but they sure are good. 7 Up's the whole reason I came down here in the first place. You know what, I'm not gonna need the V8, 'cause I can just get some tomato juice at the mini-mart down the street. It's a little more expensive, but that's OK; I like to help out a small business. I hope it's OK if I pay in pennies.
Lois Griffin: Brian, there you are! Do you have any idea what time it is? Stewie was supposed to be in bed two hours ago!
Brian Griffin: Oh, yeah, he, uh... he's, um, he's... he was right here, right next to me like four hours ago.
Lois Griffin: What?! Brian, you were supposed to watch him! Oh, my little sweetie!
Stewie Griffin: Hey, Brian, remember me? I'm the guy you left standing at the counter at McDonald's with a bag full of burgers! You know, it's funny, I tried to walk home and, um, a lot of hungry deer walking around at this hour of the night and, um, oh, here's where the story gets fun. Uh, you may have noticed I'm missing an ear! [reveals a bloody spot where his ear should be] Managed to, uh, pull it out of the deer's mouth and put it in some ice I got at a 7-Eleven. So when you're ready to apologize, just talk into this cup.
Lois Griffin: Ugh, Brian, this is inexcusable!
Peter Griffin: Yeah, what if something had happened to Stewie?
Stewie Griffin: My ear's in a cup, I guess that doesn't count.
Brian Griffin: Hey, hey, I'm not the kid's babysitter, all right? I have my own life to live!
Lois Griffin: Oh, Meg, I think you're just trying to fit in by pretending to be something you're not, like the time Peter pretended to be racist to get out of jury duty.
[cut to Peter serving on all-white jury]
Peter Griffin: Awful lot of honkies in here!
Stewie Griffin: You know, Brian, when you wear that suit, it looks like you're doing a white poop. But it's stuck.
• Rating 4.3 / 5 • Vote for this Quote! • July 18th, 2007 Mr. Berler: Does everyone have a lab partner?
Sarah: I don't.
Meg Griffin: Me neither.
Sarah: She can be my partner.
Mr. Berler: Sarah, that's very irresponsible. Meg is awful! [walks away]
Sarah: You wanna be my lab partner?
Meg Griffin: Really?
Sarah: Sure, you seem nice. Hey, you want to join my after school club?
Meg Griffin: Sure!
Mr. Berler: Now open your books to page...you know what, look, I'm sorry. Can I just go ahead and show this video of me doing my wife?
Lois Griffin: Oh, I just can't stand the thought of losing Brian!
Stewie Griffin: If he dies, I'm gonna have to start hanging out with The Rock again.
[cut to a TV commercial]
Don LaFontaine: One's a baby, and the other's... black. I think. At least... part black. Or, Hispanic. I think, you know, possibly, there's some Filipino in there, yeah, possibly some Filipino. I mean, if he, if he's black it's definitely diluted. I mean, one of his parents must be white. What the hell is Jessica Alba, for that matter? If I were 40 years younger, I would plow that 'til next July...
Brian Griffin: Hey, how'd you sleep Peter?
Peter Griffin: Oh, Brian, last night I had this crazy dream I was eating a sheep and now my pillow's gone. Oh wait, here it is. What the hell was I eating?
[cut to half-eaten sheep, crawling on the carpet, blood spilling out of it]
Sheep: Meeeh! Meeeeh! Meeeh! Meeeh!
Peter Griffin: Oh, sorry.
