Chick Cancer Quotes
Stewie Griffin: I'll humiliate her worse than Luke Skywalker did to that rebel pilot.
[cut away]
General: The exhaust shaft is only two meters wide, so you'll have to use proton torpedoes.
Rebel Pilot: But that's impossible, even for a computer!
Luke Skywalker: It's not impossible, I used to bulls-eye womprats in my T-16 back home, and they're not much bigger than two meters.
Rebel Pilot: Hey, uh... could I talk to you privately for a second?
Luke Skywalker: Sure.
Rebel Pilot: That, uh... That was unnecessary.
Luke Skywalker: What's the problem?
Rebel Pilot: Well you just kind of called me out in front of everybody back there.
Luke Skywalker: I was just making a point...
Rebel Pilot: I know, I know, but you like, just kinda sandbagged me in front of everyone we know.
Luke Skywalker: Oh, oh, I "sandbagged" you?
Rebel Pilot: In front of all of our friends, yeah, you sandbagged me.
Luke Skywalker: I "sandbagged" you.
Rebel Pilot: You sandbagged me, yes.
Luke Skywalker: Well here I am trying to help you --
Rebel Pilot: You know what? You know what? You know what? I don't need your kind of help, alright? Have a great assault, jerk.
Brian Griffin: So what happened?
Stewie Griffin: Well, you wanna know what I learned this week? Being a grown-up sucks. Woman, Brian- what a royal pain in the ass. It's like, it's like, why can't you just hang out with guys, you know? Just live with someone of your own sex, just do what you would do with women, but with your buddy, you know wha... why don't guys just do that?
Brian Griffin: They do, it's called being gay.
Stewie Griffin: Oh, that's what gay is? Oh yeah, I could totally get into that.
Stewie Griffin: Idea for a farce: cheating wife and pompous ass burned alive.
• Vote for this Quote! • July 25th, 2007 Brian Griffin: Hey, where's Olivia?
Stewie Griffin: Oh, she's probably up at the house.
Brian Griffin: Stewie?
Stewie Griffin: Yeah?
Brian Griffin: It's not your fault.
Stewie Griffin: What?
Brian Griffin: It's not your fault.
Stewie Griffin: I know.
Brian Griffin: It's not your fault.
Stewie Griffin: I know.
Brian Griffin: No Stewie, Stewie.... It's not your fault.
Stewie Griffin: Don't do this to me man, not you, man.
Brian Griffin: It's not your fault.
Stewie Griffin: Screw you, cut it out, man!
Brian Griffin: It's not your fault.
Stewie Griffin: [hugs Brian; cries] Why is it so hard? I didn't know it was going to be so hard!!!
Lois Griffin: Peter, have you been up all night watching chick movies?
Peter Griffin: Lois, before I found these movies, women only made me cry through my penis. Now they make me cry through my eyes.
Stewie Griffin: Hey babe, what do ya say, we goin' out Saturday night?
Olivia Fuller: Stewie, what are you doing here? I told you, I'm just into a different type of guy.
Stewie Griffin: Oh yeah? I'll tell you what you're into: Bein' ugly.
Olivia Fuller: Stewie, you're being mean.
Stewie Griffin: No, if I was being mean, when you opened the door, I would have said "Oh, hey Ray Liotta, is Olivia home? Oh, wait, you're Olivia. You see, I thought you were Ray Liotta, because your skin has the texture of a decorative autumn squash." So, I'll pick you up at seven?
Olivia Fuller [sobbing]: That sounds wonderful.
Stewie Griffin: She said yes! My God, I'm cooler than that cheetah from the commercials.
Brian Griffin: [to Stewie] You wanna know how to get women? There's only one place to observe.
[outside Quagmire's house]
Brian Griffin: Just watch.
Woman: I am not doing that, Glenn.
Glenn Quagmire: Come on beautiful, keep an open mind.
Woman: You're a sick man!
Glenn Quagmire: Hey keep it down, I don't want my neighbors seeing a fat, old, dirty whore screaming at me on my front lawn.
Woman: Whore?! Well, maybe I should come inside.
Glenn Quagmire: Well maybe you should.
Stewie Griffin: What the deuce? Why the hell would she respond so positively to such a negative comment? Unless ... Brian, do women like it when you treat them like crap?
Brian Griffin: Well I don't know if you wanna be so black and white about it...
Stewie Griffin: WAIT! That's it! Women respond when you treat them like crap. Well, Olivia, prepare to meet a much darker Stewie.
Jillian: Hi Stewie!
Brian Griffin: What the hell are you doing?
Stewie Griffin: Eh, not much really. Just me and my pubes... haaaaangin' out.
Brian Griffin: Oh, dear God!
Stewie Griffin: Boy, I am so beat from doin' adult stuff all day.
Jillian: So am I.
Stewie Griffin: [stretching] I just feel like kickin' it tonight. [a pair of fuzzy dice falls out of his diaper] Oh! Look at that, I'm growin' all the time.
Stewie Griffin: Oh,I haven't given up yet, Brian. Olivia says she wants a more mature, grown-up man, so all I've got to do is be more grown up.
Brian Griffin: What are you doing?
Stewie Griffin: Just cleaning out your brush, man.
Autumn: I have to leave, and I'm taking my piano with me.
Peter Griffin: [crying] Noooo! Why?! Why?! She chose the piano over her insulin! You could have had both!
