Death Lives Quotes

Family Guy Photo

Death: See, this is why I hate shopping. I have no ass. I'm minus an ass.

  • Vote for this Quote! • July 5th, 2007


Glenn Quagmire [after shaving his privates]: Does this look like a "Q" to you?

  • Vote for this Quote! • July 5th, 2007


Death: Oh and by the way. When the lightning hit you, you soiled yourself. Enjoy.

  • Vote for this Quote! • July 5th, 2007


Death's Mom: Death! Put your jacket on or you'll get frostbite!
Death: I don't have skin!
Death's Mom: That's 'cause you didn't eat your beans!

  • Vote for this Quote! • July 5th, 2007


Death: I gotta take a leak.
Death's Mom: Well, don't forget to zip up your fly. If you don't zip up your fly, a seagull will get you!
Death: God, she's a pain in the ass! I wish Dad was still dead.

  • Vote for this Quote! • July 5th, 2007



Lois Griffin: I can't believe your father organized this. Usually he can't even handle simple tasks.
[cut to the living room. On the lamp, there's a diaper where the light bulb should be]
Lois Griffin: Peter, why is there a diaper in the lamp socket?
Stewie Griffin: [walks in naked with light bulb in ass] Ah! Lois, he's done it again! Wait a minute...

  • Vote for this Quote! • July 5th, 2007


Meg Griffin: I hope he doesn't wait and get you a gift at the last minute again.
[cut to Lois opening her gift]
Lois Griffin: My goodness, a human thumb! [camera pulls out to reveal Peter shaking, holding his bloody hand under his arm] Where did you ever find this?
Peter Griffin: It was on eBay. Oh, God, call an ambulance!

  • Vote for this Quote! • July 5th, 2007


Diane Simmons: A tragic accident today in the north Providence area. A family of four lost their lives when their minivan swerved off the road and into a ravine, exploding on impact. You find this funny, Tom?
Tom Tucker: No, no, no. I was remembering, I accidentally put my shirt on inside out this morning. It's fine now, though. So, so, what were you saying? A fashion show?

  • Vote for this Quote! • July 5th, 2007


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Total Quotes: 8