Family Guy Viewer Mail #1 Quotes

Diane Simmons, On Air

Li'l Peter Griffin: Make like Siamese twins and split... and then one of you die.

  • Rating 5.0 / 5Vote for this Quote! • July 9th, 2007


Peter Griffin: Hey, you watch the ticker. I'm gonna go microwave a bagel and have sex with it.
Glenn Quagmire: Butter's in the fridge!

  • Vote for this Quote! • July 9th, 2007


Tom Tucker: Very strange story, Diane. Coming up next, can bees think? A new study confirms that, no, they cannot.

  • Vote for this Quote! • July 9th, 2007


Peter Griffin [as a dinosaur]: Anyone who opposes our demands will be destroyed. Our first demand - you will erect a statue in the town square. The statue will depict Blair Warner admitting to Mrs. Garrett that the poem she submitted for her creative-writing class was actually plagiarized from a work by Emily Dickinson. We have spoken!

  • Vote for this Quote! • July 9th, 2007


Peter Griffin: Well, we promised Lois we'd use our powers responsibly, but I suppose doing the exact opposite couldn't hurt.

  • Vote for this Quote! • July 9th, 2007



Brian Griffin: Ask me how the queen of England is.
Lois Griffin: How's the queen of-
Brian Griffin: She's great.

  • Vote for this Quote! • July 9th, 2007


Peter Griffin: Have they-they ever shown him doing somebody in and then feeding on him?
Brian Griffin: You're... you're asking if they've ever done a Sesame Street in which the Count kills somebody and then sucks their blood for sustenance.
Peter Griffin: Yeah.
Brian Griffin: No, they've never done that.

  • Vote for this Quote! • July 9th, 2007


Lois Griffin [after Peter loses his bones]: Kids, we just have to learn to accept this, like one of those stories on Dateline where a family member suffers a horrible accident and becomes a burden on everybody. Sure, they pretend to be happy, but they're dead inside. They're dead. And that'll be our lives, hmm?

  • Vote for this Quote! • July 9th, 2007


Chris Griffin: I want a new hat!
Meg Griffin: I want a new hat!
Stewie Griffin: I want them to have new hats!

  • Vote for this Quote! • July 9th, 2007


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Total Quotes: 9