Hell Comes to Quahog Quotes
Man: Excuse me, can you tell me where I can find assault rifles?
Meg Griffin: Aisle Six.
Man: How about a list of known local homosexuals?
Meg Griffin: Aisle Four.
Brian Griffin: Hey, I'm just trying to be ethical.
Stewie Griffin: Yeah, Right. You hate all mega-stores ever since you were petted way too hard by that special boy in front of K-Mart.
[cut to K-Mart, where Brian is putting away a shopping cart and a special boy in a padded helmet approaches him and starts petting him heavily, knocking him down]
Special Boy: Doggy!
Brian Griffin: Ow.
Special Boy: Doggy!
Brian Griffin: Ow!
Special Boy: Doggy!
Brian Griffin: Too hard!
Special Boy: I like doggy!
Brian Griffin: Too hard!
Special Boy: Doggy!
Brian Griffin: Gonna bite!
Special Boy: Doggy!
Brian Griffin: Gonna bite!
Brian Griffin: Giant megastores like Superstore USA are ruining this country. They don't pay their employees a decent wage or give them health benefits.
Stewie Griffin: Oh, yeah, all gay guys hate Superstore USA.
Brian Griffin: What?
Stewie Griffin: Hmm?
Stewie Griffin: Hey, Brian, I'm not going to recycle this aluminum can. I'm just going to throw it in the trash.
Brian: [pretends not to care, then after a moment, he goes and moves the can to the recycling bin as Stewie leaves]
Stewie Griffin [comes back]: Ha!! You're Earth's bitch!
Lois Griffin: Oh. My God, it's hot! Brian, did you turn off the air conditioner?
Brian Griffin: Just open a window. Air conditioners are harmful to the ozone layer.
Lois Griffin: Ugh, Brian, please. Save your hippie B.S. for the winter months, okay?
Peter Griffin: I see. And does the sedan protect against missiles?
Sleazy Salesman: It does not.
Peter Griffin: Ah, you hear that, Meg? Yeah, it does not protect against missiles. See, these-these are the questions. This is why I'm here.
Brian Griffin: Peter, you can't be serious. This is a 30 ton war machine!
Peter Griffin: Ah, I'm still not sure...
Sleazy Salesman: Did I mention the tank is a tank?
Peter Griffin: Sold!
Meg Griffin: I love it! Dad, this is the car!
Peter Griffin: Ah-da-da-hang on a second, Meg. What can you tell me about this one?
Sleazy Salesman: Oh, that's just an old tank I use for those commercials where I "declare war on high prices." Now, about that sedan-
Peter Griffin: Aba-ah-ah-ah hang on there, slick. Now I see your game. We come in here wanting a practical car, but then you dangle this tank in front of me and expect me to walk away. Now I may be an idiot, but there is one thing I am not, sir, and that, sir, is an idiot. Now, I demand you tell me more about this tank!
Brian Griffin: Look at all these Hummers. What kind of jerk would drive one of those?
[cut to a man in an SUV]
SUV driver: Dude, this car kicks ass! And I can watch "Madagasacar" while I'm driving!
Alex the Lion: What kind of music do you like, Gloria?
Gloria the Hippo: Hippo hop! Woohoo! Yeah, baby!
SUV driver: Dude, those animals are so f**king funny they make me want to merge without looking!
Joe Swanson: That was awesome!
Peter Griffin: Oh my god, that was completely by accident!
Glenn Quagmire [to a skinny woman facing away from him]: Hey, baby. How'd you like to share a pair of skates? [the woman turns around and is actually obese]
Obese Woman: Sure!
Glenn Quagmire: Ahhhh, never mind! Boy, you look a lot better from the back!
Obese Woman: You jerk! [turns around, looks skinny again]
Glenn Quagmire: Oh, hey, baby, you wanna go somewhere... bu-bu-bu-bu-no-no, no-no, wait, wait, Quagmire, remember what's on the other side!
