Meet the Quagmires Quotes
Brian Griffin: Peter, what the hell are you doing? You're supposed to be with Lois!
Peter Griffin: Oh, crap. Death!
Death: No! You... you know what? I'm not doing it again. Screw this! No more mulligans! You're on your own!
[in 1984]
Cleveland Brown: Oh, hey, Peter. Say, I was just getting ready to hit the town. You wanna join me?
Peter Griffin: Ah, I can't, Cleveland. I got a date with Lois.
Cleveland Brown: It's gonna be fun...
Peter Griffin: It is?
Death: Man, it's been a busy day. Dick Cheney, the chairman of Halliburton, shot Supreme Court Justice Scalia in a hunting accident, and the bullet went right through him and killed Karl Rove and Tucker Carlson.
Brian Griffin: Oh, my God, Peter, you can't marry Lois.
Peter Griffin: I don't know who any of those people are.
George Jetson: Hey, hey, hey-hey-hey-hey-hey! No, no, no, no, no! I took this one [dollar bill] out for you! You take this one, I keep this. You are not taking my whole wallet so you could go shopping!
Jane Jetson: I was just gonna buy some groceries.
George Jetson: Bull... crap!
Molly Ringwald Griffin: Hey, did you guys hear on the news about President Gore hunting down and killing Osama bin Laden with his bare hands?
Lois Quagmire: I know! Who would have thought bin Laden was hiding out in the cast of MADtv?
Glenn Quagmire: Man, the perfect hiding spot... the one place no one would look.
[in alternate universe]
Lois Quagmire: Meg, stop staring at Mr. Griffin! I'm sorry, Peter. I'm afraid she's got her father's libido.
Glenn Quagmire: What can I say? I'm a Vagittarius! Oh!
Peter Griffin: Oh my God! All right, don't freak out, Peter. Don't freak out like you did when your goldfish died.
[cut o Peter emptying a box of fish food into a fishbowl which is already filled with nothing but fish food]
Peter Griffin: Here ya go, Lieutenant Shiny-Sides. It's okay, you don't have to eat it now. You're just sleepin'. You'll eat it later! You'll eat it later, Lieutenant Shiny-Sides!
Brian Griffin: Ever hear the theory that if you kill a butterfly in the past, it can drastically alter the present? Well, who knows what else we changed?
[turns on the TV]
Announcer: Tonight on The Tonight Show, movie star George Clooney...
Peter Griffin: Oh, he's good.
Announcer: Comedian Dave Chappelle...
Brian Griffin: He's funny. Like him.
Announcer: And musician Harry Connick, Jr.
Peter Griffin: Wow, what a show!
Announcer: And now, ladies and gentlemen, heeeeeeeere's... Chevy!
Peter Griffin: Oh God, Brian, we messed up bad! We messed up real bad!
Brian Griffin: Relax, I was just being friendly.
Man: I will kick your ass anytime, anywhere!
Brian Griffin: Uh, okay. How about top of the World Trade Center, morning of September 11, 2001, 8:00 AM?
Man: I'll be there! You think I'll forget, but I won't!
Brian Griffin: So, uh, have you seen Ghostbusters?
Woman: Save your breath, geek wad. I'm here with my boyfriend!
Brian Griffin: You mean that quintessentially '80s guy with his collar turned all the way up?
Man: Are you hitting on my girlfriend?
