No Chris Left Behind Quotes
Principal Shepherd: All right, we'll drop the dumbest student we have... Chris Griffin is hereby expelled!
Chris Griffin: But if I leave now, I won't hear who the dumbest kid in the school is!
Lois Griffin: They cut a school's funding if it's got low test scores? This is not what the Founding Fathers had in mind.
[cut to signing of the Declaration of Independence]
Founding Father: Okay, we're here to sign this declaration of our independence. Let's take role call first. Thomas Jefferson?
Thomas Jefferson: Here!
Founding Father: Benjamin Franklin?
Benjamin Franklin: Here!
Founding Father: John Footpenis?
John Hanc**k: It's "Hanc**k" now!
Founding Father: Why?
John Hanc**k: Mind your business, that's why!
Pricipal Shepherd: All right, let's get this meeting underway. For our first order of business, we'll go to Bruce.
Performance Artist Bruce: Oh, hey, y'all said my name! Welcome here to our meeting here at the school. We got lots of exciting topics here tonight. We gonna have a puppet show, we gonna have some jazz-- No, I'm just kiddin'. We have some business to take care of, though. I'm sorry I pulled y'all's legs. I'm just a little excited 'cause I met somebody today! Someone in the bookstore! Someone who likes the same kind of literature as I do! Oh, and the adventure begins again!
Brian Griffin: Boy, this is gonna be long. So, uh, you kids develop any good pot connections at your school yet?
Chris Griffin: What?
Meg Griffin: Yeah.
Brian Griffin: Ah. Lois, we'll be right back. Meg's gonna take me outside to poop.
Lois Griffin: Peter, a little culture is good for this family. Besides, you liked The Nutcracker, didn't you?
Peter Griffin: No, Lois, I did not. The Nutcracker had zero physical comedy. And-- and with a name like The Nutcracker, I thought, "Oh, this will be worth a few yuks." But no, Lois. That title wrote a check that the queers on stage refused to cash.
