One If by Clam, Two If by Sea Quotes
Stewie Griffin: Don't give me that smug look! Fine. Well, you have extra-sensitive hearing, hear this: [Stewie mouths "F**k you"]
Brian Griffin: I'm telling.
Stewie Griffin: Uh, no, no... I... I said "vacuum" !
Judge: You are clearly guilty of arson. So you are free to go... [Peter and friends sigh in relief] ... straight to jail! Ha! Now YOU got burned. Heh. No bail.
• Vote for this Quote! • July 5th, 2007 Tom Tucker: Our top story: the Clam's Head Pub has burned to the ground. Our own Tricia Takanawa is on the scene.
Tricia Takanawa: Is Quahog in the grip of a serial arsonist? Police say no, but our producer says yes. Here's an artist's depiction of what the arsonist might look like [cuts to a picture of a giant, fire-breathing, insect-like monster]. Anyone with information regarding this suspect should contact Quahog police immediately. One thing is certain: the pain here is palpable. For many, this charred portrait of Elizabeth II gives poignant new meaning to the phrase, "Hey, check out that flaming queen."
Tom Tucker: In a late-breaking development, the police have a new suspect. We now go live to Hispanic reporter, Maria...J-J-Jimen...
Diane Simmons: Jimenez.
Tom Tucker: I know what it is.
Glenn Quagmire: I felt guilty once, but she woke up about halfway through.
• Vote for this Quote! • July 5th, 2007 Brian Griffin: Well, why don't you teach her? [Eliza] Unless you don't think you're up to it.
Stewie Griffin: Oh, yes, this the part where I'm supposed to say, "Oh, I am so up to it!" [laughs] Well, I am! I accept your challenge. At the celebration of her birthday, I shall pass that gutter-snap off as a lady. And what are the stakes of this wager?
Brian Griffin: Why don't you shut up for about a week?
Stewie Griffin: Very well. And if I win?
Brian Griffin: Oh, I-I wasn't betting. Why don't you just shut up for about a week?
Peter Griffin: I say we fight the British and drive them back to whatever country they came from!
• Vote for this Quote! • July 5th, 2007Glenn Quagmire [to lesbians]: So, you ladies ever been penetrated?
• Vote for this Quote! • July 5th, 2007 Lois Griffin: Nigel's charming, all British men are.
Peter Griffin: Yeah, right. That's what they said about Benjamin Disraeli.
[cutaway to Disraeli writing in an office]
Benjamin Disraeli: You don't even know who I am!
Nigel Pinchley: Bit of an awkward moment, really.
Peter Griffin: Awkward moment? I'll give you an awkward moment. One time during sex I called Lois "Frank" ... Your move, Sherlock.
Glenn Quagmire: Hey, guys! There's no more girlie magazines in the can! All they got is this... David Copperfield.
Peter Griffin: W-w-wait. Any pictures of his girlfriend?
Glenn Quagmire: No! No pictures at all!
