Peter's Got Woods Quotes
Peter Griffin: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, wait-wait-wait-wait... You and your girlfriend are taking the name James Woods off the high school?
Brian Griffin: Well, yes, for Martin Luther King.
Peter Griffin: That's crazy! You're gonna name the school after the star of Space: 1999?
Brian Griffin: No, that's Martin Landau.
Peter Griffin: Oh.... The guy who played Sheneneh?
Brian Griffin: That's Martin Lawrence.
Peter Griffin: The drunk crooner?
Brian Griffin: That's Dean Martin.
Peter Griffin: The drink that's best served on the rocks?
Brian Griffin: That's Martini & Rossi.
Peter Griffin: The guy on The West Wing?
Brian Griffin: Martin Sheen.
Peter Griffin: The guy from Platoon?
Brian Griffin: Charlie Sheen.
Peter Griffin: No, no, the other guy from Platoon.
Brian Griffin: Uh... uh, uh...
Peter Griffin: Come on...
Brian Griffin: Uh, uh, Wi-Willem Dafoe!
Peter Griffin: No, it was Tom Berenger. We were looking for Tom Berenger. Well, thanks for playing, Brian, I'm sorry it didn't work out for you.
Brian Griffin: You know what? I will have some of that popcorn. [he reaches into Adam West's bag and pulls out some corn on butter] What the... what the hell is this?
Mayor Adam West: Creamed corn. I brought it from home because I don't like the creamed corn they have here. It's too crunchy.
Brian Griffin: Well, that may seem a little harsh. I'm not gonna avoid Peter like the drunk chick at a party.
[cut to drunk chick at a party and music playing]
Drunk Chick: I just smoked on the wrong side of a cigarette! Who wants to go swimming? Oh, this song is so about me!
Peter Griffin: Well... then why'd you pick Martin Luther King, huh? Why not, uh, Ronald Reagan? He was always fun, especially in his later years.
[cut to Ronald Reagan standing outside McDonald's]
Ronald Reagan [talking to the brick wall]: Mr. Gorbachev, tear down this wall! Tear it down! Reagan Smash! [Reagan starts punching wall] Reagan Smash!
Employee 1: What's that?
Employee 2: Oh, it's just Reagan. Just leave him alone, he'll tire himself out.
Ronald Reagan: [in the fetal position] Reagan sleepy.
James Woods: Man, what a great lunch, Lois. Thank you so much for having me over.
Lois Griffin: Well, it's not often we get to meet celebrities.
Peter Griffin: Yeah, except when I was Christina Aguilera's manager.
[cutaway to Christina Aguilera singing scales and making random movements. Peter walks in]
Peter Griffin: Okay, l-l-let me just go ahead and stop you right there. You sound terrible, alright? Y-y-you're doing this thing, which is just, you know... w-what the hell is that? I mean, a-and if you look like if I touched you, you'd be sticky, and frankly, you smell bad. You're pretty much offensive to all five senses.
Christina Aguilera: That's only four.
Peter Griffin: Well, a-actually, you know when you smell something and it gets stuck in there, and you can sort of taste it? Yeah. Well, I'm-I'm tasting you right now, and it tastes awful. Truly disgusting, like salty garbage.
Brian Griffin: Oh, believe me, Peter does stupid things all the time. That's why he got fired from that airline.
[cut to Peter and another pilot flying a plane]
Stewardess: Coffee for you, Captain Griffin?
Peter Griffin: Thank you, Stewardess. Um, hey... where are we right now?
Stewardess: Uh, on an airplane?
Peter Griffin: Noooo... this room... what is this room called?
Stewardess: The flight deck?
Peter Griffin: [snickers] Nooooooo...
Stewardess: Control room?
Peter Griffin: [snickers] Noooooooooo...
Stewardess: C**kpit?
Peter Griffin: [laughs] Oh God, I told you I'd get her to say it!Oh, God. Alright, go on, get out of here.
Meg Griffin: Will you guys stop fighting, please?!
Chris Griffin: What's wrong with Meg?
Lois Griffin: Oh, nothing, it's just her time of the month.
Sheep: Not again!
Lois Griffin: [reading paper] Oh, this is wonderful! Look at this, Peter! [gesturing toward story of the renaming of James Wood High]
Peter Griffin: [reading off headline] 200 die in train derailment? Oh, God, Lois, that is morbidly obese.
Peter Griffin: I don't need Brian to watch TV with. I got you, Meg. [sees a dog on the TV barking] Hey, hey, what's that? What's that? Is that a dog? Is that another dog on the TV, huh? [points to the dog] You see that? Go get it! Go get it! [taps the TV] What's that? What's that? Who's that? Who's that? Oh! Who's that? Who's there? Is there somebody at the door? Somebody at the door, huh? Somebody at the door? Ah? What are you gonna do about it? What are you gonna do about it? What are you gonna do about it? What are you... [babbles]
Meg Griffin: I'm not a dog, you fat bastard!!
Stewie Griffin [reading The Da Vinci Code ] Oh, yes, just as I thought. France... art ...murder?! Well, this is a bigger surprise than that time Peter vanished into thin air.
[cutaway to Peter playing Peek-a-boo with Stewie]
Peter Griffin: Hey, Stewie. Peek-a-boo!
Stewie Griffin: Yes, I see you, fat man.
Peter Griffin: [gasps] Where's daddy?
Stewie Griffin: What? [looks around] Where did you go?! Oh, this is impossible! I-I-I can hear you, but I can't see...well, he must really be gone. [starts picking his nose]
Peter Griffin: [removes hands from eyes] Peek-a-boo!
Stewie Griffin: Ahh! How the hell did you do that?! Look, I thought you disappeared, otherwise I wouldn't have picked my-- [Peter covers eyes again] Oh, great. Leave when I'm right in the middle of a sentence.